Thursday, August 28, 2014

A Look Back

Crazy to believe I started this new blog one year ago today. I thought I would see myself a bad ass lifting machine by now, but that's not how life works, is it?

I remember those first days in the gym after a 3 month hiatus due to the car accident and lots of chiropractic visits. I had just  literally already come off a month long hiatus prior due to hernia surgery before then, so it really did feel like starting from scratch. The days of just walking on the treadmill. The dread of going to the gym after work and hoping I didn't re-injure myself...I remember the hesitation and the feeling of being let down when I couldn't run or walk uphill due to back pain. I still have issues, but the more I remain active the more hopeful I am they will resolve themselves with time.

I remember the day I took this picture. It was early September 2013. I had gone to the gym after work and really wanted to push past 30 minutes. I also bought this purple short sleeve shirt from H&M ahead of time because none of my old work out tops fit or flattered me. I was embarrassed of my stomach and fat arms. I didn't want anything to cling to me. I had this look of determination though, I was so serious. I can see the sadness in my eyes too though, the struggle and the thought process behind them that says, "Please let this work."

In those days, I sometimes left the gym with tears welling up in my eyes. The frustration, the pain, the anger when I thought how exactly one year prior I was in the best shape of my life. My current gym selfies are a bit more sweaty now, maybe more smirky, but I'm still determined.

What I internally fight with now is that for all the time I've put into my workouts, I believe I should see more of a change in my body. I took the photo on the left on 8/28/13. I took the photo on the right on 8/24/14. Pretty much one year apart, pardon the shitty quality but it really depressed me. It's been really hard to not be down on myself or upset with myself for not seeing a more obvious changes in myself this week.
I can see a teeny more definition in my waist. I notice some leaning out in my back and the beginning of some back muscles! I get discouraged since I follow other motivational accounts on social media and see so much more done in so much shorter of a time. Argh!! I know, eyes on my own journey. Eyes on my own workout. 

I'll try to take some more pics this weekend after a hopefully more active workout and with better lighting. Getting a shot of your own back and ass is hard, I gotta say. All I can do is keep doing what I'm doing. Stay consistent. Stay the course. Keep lifting heavier and trying to get my cardio in. I may also attempt to go vegetarian for 90% of meals nowadays. I'm trying to make it as easy as possible for my body to take in, digest and fuel my body with what I need.


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