Things are a little intimidating.

Starting off a new year with the same point of view. I always aim to write more, to track more, to do more, but in the end it's the same old me, taking way too many depression naps, keeping a stash of pizza rolls in the freezer and wavering between extreme productivity and self-doubt.

The end of 2017 was a doozy. I lost my dog in September suddenly to what we think was a brain tumor and I lost my job in December. Technically I'm still working, but my job is officially over on 2/15. However, once operations stopped, so did my daily duties.

I kind of spent October in a haze, not really sure what to do, but just going through the motions of losing a pet and a furry shoulder to rest upon on a daily basis. It's true what they say, silence is deafening. Not hearing his paws on the wooden floor, his snores from across the room or the jangle of his collar really hit me hard. I was working from home a lot at the time, so I had plenty of opportunities to stare into the distance at a…

The Leftovers

Someone asked me today where my "leftover tradition" came from. I tend to leave a little bit of food in the pan of the meal I've created, be it for me or me and someone else. I have a few reasons why, it turns out. Who knew my obsession with food went levels deep?

Sneaky Diet Shade
Sometimes I'll break up a single serving into two, just to make myself feel like I'm eating more or really "going back for seconds". I try to trick my brain into thinking I'm getting a treat of MORE FOOD! When I'm with someone who's watching their weight, I do the same. For some reason it makes me feel good.

I'm Cheap and Lazy
Rather than leave a single serving of pasta or a few fingerling potatoes around, I'll cook more than the amount my man and I will share. That way I'm guaranteed left overs for lunch or even later that night. If I ziplock, tie, tape or freeze any remaining ingredients, it's a surefire way to wasteland because I'll never touc…

It's been a while

I haven't signed into this blog in over a year. I think for a while I was so caught up in what other people were doing, what they were saying, how their journey was going etc. that I basically devoted all my energy into feeding into that desire --of seeing life through someone else's eyes-- instead of my own. I need to work things out in my head.

It's been a crazy few years. I'm approaching the big 4-0 and am finding it hard to come to terms with that. I feel the restrictions my body is putting on me now. And I don't like it. But I persist. I run with chafed thighs or lady parts, I squat with sore knees and do lateral raises with a shoulder housing tendinitis. I should get a tattoo of Motrin on my ass.

I have my heroes like Erin Brown, Nia Shanks, Molly Galbraith and Amber Rogers to keep me going for inspiration, resources and motivation. I'm thankful during my time avoiding my own voice I found these phenomenal women who really took up space in this world and …

Success is Never a Straight Line

I'm reaching the point where I can finally start to see some progress. It's strange, when others notice it too. I've been spending this month oddly proud and somewhat embarrassed. I was chosen by my health coach and gym to be their "member of the month". I wanted to make sure my blurb talked about persistence and really overcoming obstacles. I feel like that's all I've had. My write up mentions a few things I can now do (push ups, tricep dips), things I've done (lost some weight, gained some muscle) and some challenges I've had (car accident, surgeries etc). I will admit, it's a bit odd to see my picture in various corners of the gym. Thank god no one has approached me about it -- only my coworkers who also go to the gym there.

My shoulder and arm are still bothering me so I've been back to running and squatting. I've tried to pick up the dead lifts again too, as long as my back plays along nicely. I'm still mad at myself for not …

Circus Pants

Things are just moving along in my world. I've still been consistent with my workouts and true to my promise of wearing loud(er) pants to the gym. My latest obsession are these wonderful orange ass spirals. (They aren't on the seller's website currently so I can't link to them - sorry! )  I call them my circus pants. You really can't miss me when I wear them. I am not hiding in the gym anymore! They are particularly fun on leg day, that I will tell you.

I've been at a little plateau lately. I've been too lenient with myself and while I can feel myself getting stronger, my pants are not any looser. I'm standing in my own way, really. I enjoy my wine, I eat some carbs and have a life, so this process is taking a really long time, but it's all because of decisions I have consciously made. 
That being said, cardio has been upped to 4 mile runs when I do them and I'm trying to incorporate more intervals in my workouts. My enemy the burpee is back and…

Mini Milestone

It's been about 8 years since I have been able to run 1 mile in under 10 minutes. I didn't wake up thinking this was the day or that I'd even try. I just knew it was leg day, and I wanted to run 1 mile as my warm up.  Maybe it was the pre-workout beverage I drank giving me the extra initiative, but I just got on that treadmill, walked one minute and started running. I kept cranking up my speed every few minutes and by the last 3, I was running 7 mph.  The last time I even attempted this was 2006 I believe, when I decided to train for a half marathon. Of course I was 8 years younger and a few surgeries shy, but the fact that I could complete it this morning gave me a little glimmer of hope of the year to come. 
Afterwards, I was glad to see the squat rack free. I managed to get in about 6 rounds of 6-8 reps starting with 2 rounds of just the bar at 10 reps. It went 45-65-85. I'm still taking it easy and not going full weight (95lb or above). I headed over to the free we…

The Trackin' Wagon

Well, 2015 is in full effect and I'm back on the wagon. Fun time is over, as said best by Red Foreman. I let myself have a week off for vacation. No tracking, highly caloric booze intake, carbs were eaten, long walks were had and though I indulged, I also made smart choices throughout my fun times. Even though I did partake in some loco moco in Hawaii, I also enjoyed a fantastic tuna poke and avocado salad as well for dinner one night. I'm sure it doesn't make up for the amount of Mai Tais I had every day starting around 2pm. While they were delicious, I could totally tell the sugar and juice intake were going to be the death of me. That, and when you eat out at a restaurant, food is so much saltier than when made at home. I felt like a giant salt lick a couple of times, but it was worth it. 
While it was a beach vacation, I didn't bust out into my usual hives thinking about getting into a bathing suit like I usually do. I actually wore a two-piece...twice! Sure I refu…