Lucky Loses It

I'm reaching the point where I can finally start to see some progress. It's strange, when others notice it too. I've been spending this month oddly proud and somewhat embarrassed. I was chosen by my health coach and gym to be their "member of the month". I wanted to make sure my blurb talked about persistence and really overcoming obstacles. I feel like that's all I've had. My write up mentions a few things I can now do (push ups, tricep dips), things I've done (lost some weight, gained some muscle) and some challenges I've had (car accident, surgeries etc). I will admit, it's a bit odd to see my picture in various corners of the gym. Thank god no one has approached me about it -- only my coworkers who also go to the gym there. My shoulder and arm are still bothering me so I've been back to running and squatting. I've tried to pick up the dead lifts again too, as long as my back plays along nicely. I'm still mad at my...

Things are just moving along in my world. I've still been consistent with my workouts and true to my promise of wearing loud(er) pants to the gym. My latest obsession are these wonderful orange ass spirals. (They aren't on the seller's website currently so I can't link to them - sorry! )  I call them my circus pants. You really can't miss me when I wear them. I am not hiding in the gym anymore! They are particularly fun on leg day, that I will tell you. I've been at a little plateau lately. I've been too lenient with myself and while I can feel myself getting stronger, my pants are not any looser. I'm standing in my own way, really. I enjoy my wine, I eat some carbs and have a life, so this process is taking a really long time, but it's all because of decisions I have consciously made.  That being said, cardio has been upped to 4 mile runs when I do them and I'm trying to incorporate more intervals in my workouts. My enemy the burpee is...

Well, 2015 is in full effect and I'm back on the wagon. Fun time is over , as said best by Red Foreman. Mmm poke. I let myself have a week off for vacation. No tracking, highly caloric booze intake, carbs were eaten, long walks were had and though I indulged, I also made smart choices throughout my fun times. Even though I did partake in some loco moco in Hawaii, I also enjoyed a fantastic tuna poke and avocado salad as well for dinner one night. I'm sure it doesn't make up for the amount of Mai Tais I had every day starting around 2pm. While they were delicious, I could totally tell the sugar and juice intake were going to be the death of me. That, and when you eat out at a restaurant, food is so much saltier than when made at home. I felt like a giant salt lick a couple of times, but it was worth it.  While it was a beach vacation, I didn't bust out into my usual hives thinking about getting into a bathing suit like I usually do. I actually wore a two-...

Perhaps I should title my 2015 entries as 80s songs? Alas, too much pressure. I just finished my lunch. I'm amazed at myself that I only hate 75% of it, considering I was starving around an hour ago. I don't claim to know everything about weight loss, but I know one thing, I'm trying to not stress about what I eat. I'm also trying really hard to listen to my hunger cues, as well as my " I'm full even though there's food left! " cues. I had a smoothie today for breakfast along with a skinny caramel latte from the 'bucks. See, I drink caffeine AND have dairy. I chugged my water and got wrapped up in work and by 12 I was starving. I know I'm heading to a happy hour tonight (see, I DRINK too!) so I'm trying to budget my calories. I tried to keep within a normal range of carbs since it's my day off from the gym and I don't need a TON of calories, but I need enough to help me recover and feed my muscles. See, it's about balance. ...

Today I met with one of my "health coaches" to check in at the gym. This is just someone that is a part of my cheerleading team, like the bf, or my trainer in this journey to get back to a place where I am happy. I got weighed and lost a few more pounds since our last weigh in. This is a huge victory considering I've been drinking my normal amount, the holidays came and went and I had my own little treats and indulgences here and there. I also felt like a salt lick a few days here and there, but a small loss is a big win for me. Per usual, I can't be 100% happy. I don't trust it. I don't trust it's working, even though I am seeing results. My scale at home does not match the scale at the gym. When I'm naked and standing on it in the morning, it is not the same as the number in the gym. It's heavier by at least 1.5lbs. Is this some mean way the universe is playing with me? I started to get emotional in that little cramped room on the second fl...

Well, well, well. I'm finally free and clear. The holidays are over. I seriously can't stand the time from November 1 to December 31st. The pressure, the expectations, the comparisons, the time off or lack there of, the temptations, the money being spent etc...It's just such a drain on me. I'm spent. I don't travel during the holidays and my family phone calls home require a heavy dose of patience or several glasses of wine prior to dialing and I'm just...over it all. New Year's Eve was no exception. When I phoned home and all 3 members of my immediate family were soused beyond belief, I was annoyed and they were incredibly tiresome to talk with. It just cemented my choice to stay in, not drink heavily myself and have a quiet evening. It made me a bit sad too, but that's another post for another time. On the upside, I managed to come out of the holiday blur 8 pounds lighter. This in itself is a major victory. There would have more pounds shed, but ...

Ok, so this is one thing I simply won't do. At least for now. Let me whine about my wine for a bit. Call me crazy, say I don't "want it bad enough" or have no self-control, but I love my glass (or 2) of wine at night. The past 5 days though, I have been very good and only had 1 glass per night. Well, there was one night I had two, but I hadn't eaten as much during the day and I just simply wanted some more. The one thing about diets I hate is the restriction. I hate authority. Well, I hate shitty authority, but if I know if it's for my best interest, I'll deal with it. Same with diets. I know that I can cut out drinking and lower caloric intake, but I also know I've lost weight while indulging on it as well. Balance is key, as it is with everything else in life. I'm not noticing any dramatic changes or shifts in my mentality though. I eat my dinner before my wine so I can digest it first, then I drink tons of water. This is making it hard for m...

I woke up 2 pounds lighter today but I'm not going to get too excited. That is the equivalent of a lot of water, a ton of wine or maybe a giant bowel movement. I could be up 3 tomorrow, who knows. It was nice to see the scale actually move though, but I'm not going crazy until at least I'm out of the 180's. I realized today that even though I plan meticulously and dabble in a bunch of programs (both eating and workout related), I've never really followed one to the T. Back in the day, I tried Atkins and South Beach. And while I was 10 years younger and 20 pounds lighter, it worked for me then, but it won't work for me now. It also wasn't sustainable. A few years ago I had joined Weight Watchers. Again, while it worked for some friends famously, it did not work for me. I already ate healthily and exercised a lot and the program just didn't seem to boost me past any plateau I had hit. It was also a little too easy for me to have things just because ...

I haven't written because I feel as if I'm in some sort of a slump again. That, combined with being busy socially kind of let the blogging priority fall to the wayside. I'm still plodding along, working out, meal prepping, lifting and running, and not seeing a change. Friends in and out of the area have gotten married, work is busy and I had a guest for a few days last weekend, so things have been all up in the air and are now settling down.  Since I haven't seen change or loss of fat in so long, I decided to do something about it. Note how I am focused on FAT, not "weight". I could care less what the scale says these days, I just want to fit into my clothes again and see muscle.  I went against every fiber of my being, everything I stand for, everything my wallet could handle and decided to join a weight loss program. I won't mention what it is in case it does or doesn't work. I'm still not sure how I feel about such caloric restriction, bu...

This morning I successfully chugged down a scoop of protein powder with only water and ice. Not as gag worthy as I thought it would be. Baby steps. I've worked out for 8 days straight now. I need to take it easy. Granted, I'm only working out about 45-50 minutes each workout, so I should be ok. I've tried to keep some variety in there too. Friday I had my work event and lo and behold, I attempted to rock wall climb. It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. I seem to have selective fear of heights. Sometimes I'm fine, other times I get all freaked out and think the end of the world is near if I go up one step further.  Here's proof of my attempt: Check out that calf! I don't know if I'll be rushing out to get a membership to any climbing gyms any time soon, but at least I can say I did it once. My anxiety set in after I got to where that wall slanted. It doesn't look that high from this pic, but it's already about 8 feet in the air....

Mid-week blues. Allergies are going crazy today and being woken up half an hour earlier than my alarm makes me cranky. I was flipping through my fitness Instagram account last night and it depressed me. I started this journey (or at least documenting it by photos) on August 28, 2013. Almost one year later, I virtually look the same. Something has to be going on. I'm either not being true to myself, my tracking or honest with my food intake. Either that, or something is truly off balance inside of me, hormonally or my cortisol levels are so out of whack they are making me retain every bit of stress, guilt and grudges I've accumulated all year and rounding my belly out with them. I admit I am still holding grudges, I am still stressed out, I still have anxiety etc, but I don't believe it's too the point of where I should be hindered this much from losing weight. Part of me wanting to track again and use this blog was to see what works and what doesn't, and use it ...

I Well, I didn't make it back to the gym after work last night, but I did go home and knock out some shoulder presses with 25# dumb bells, 5x5, and in between did a set of 12 push ups. I hung out in the garage (literally) and toyed around with my body band for assisted pull ups and leg raises. I feel like I've gotten a few millimeters closer to pulling myself up. It's going to be a long, long process.Also, my hands are beginning to feel like sandpaper. Go callous, go! I made some chana masala last night with potatoes and mushrooms for dinner so I got my carb fix. I did not want to wake up this morning (still battling never ending fatigue), but 5:45 am came and up we went to the gym. I've got to start prepping the BF better the night before so we can get out of the house earlier. I'm not getting to the gym until about 7 am, which puts me on a machine by 7:10 and only gives me 30-35 min to work out before I have to make myself presentable for work. I fear the day I ...

Well, it appears as if I'm as terrible at blogging about this journey as I am with tracking. That's not to say I have not been on track, but I just find it so tiresome to track my food, my activity, my thoughts, my anything sometimes. Life gets in the way, I sit at a computer all day and fear the wrath of corporate America watching over me. I probably shouldn't be blogging now, but I'm on my lunch break. I've been staying ahead of the day by planning out my meals like this: Steamed broccoli, chicken breast and white sweet potatoes. Mini breakfast quiches. I've been trying to cook more healthy "comfort foods" like this: Homemade vegetarian matzo ball soup! I've had days like this: If only every day could be this way.... And, I've had days like THIS: I've been making a better attempt at keeping things in line, grocery shopping, prepping my food and meals for the week, laying out work out clothes, getting up at ...

Stop me if I become your friend that only talks about weight loss and the battle of her bulge. I feel like this blog is a good outlet for that type of thing, but lately in my social time, I feel the subject always reverts back to fitness at some point. I'm not sure if other people are on their own journey, if it's something always in the forefront of my friend's minds, or if folks just feel like they have to talk about it too to make me feel better. I have been reaching out to friends I haven't seen in a long time - we're talking almost a year or more - and a lot has happened in the past year with me, mentally and physically. Sure, a lot of it has to do with my weight loss/weight gain/surgeries etc but it's not like I'm the only person on Earth who has dealt with hardship and physical setbacks. After we meet and chat for a while, catch up etc, the conversation somehow spins to weight loss, motivation or the popular topic of just getting old. I don't kn...

I haven't been to the gym since Saturday and it's bugging me. I need to be better at planning. Tonight I am going after work and have decided on 30 minutes of run/walking on the treadmill if my hips can handle it and back/shoulder/tricep work for strength training. This morning I had a green juice with my breakfast (an organic feta/spinach/egg white burrito) and some watermelon. My lunch/snacks at work today include cherry tomatoes, blueberries, raspberries, half an avocado, chicken, romaine, red pepper hummus and a kiwi.I've been eating so many fruits and vegetables lately, I would think I should start feeling like Wonder Woman. But I don't. My skin is starting to freak out on me and I'm not sure why - little red bumps here and there on my chin and cheeks. I've always had great skin and I worry when things start to go awry. I thought with incorporating so many veggies into my diet things would start to clear up - where's my miraculous juice boost, peopl...

I swear, every time I start a diet, it seems as if the heavens open up and social invites for drinks and dinner and pizza fall into my lap. I am a hermit, I like my alone time and I find that sometimes social outings also test my very low will power. Sigh. I had pizza at work this week. The BF and I have veggie frozen pizzas in the fridge for quick meals during the week when we have had a lower carb day. We ration these out, and I jazz them up with extra vegetables like frozen spinach, mushrooms, kale or a protein like tofu. I still had pizza left over from the work luncheon in our fridge and when I got home from the gym last night I was starving. I haven't been very good at planning post work-out recovery meals. I know it's only the beginning of my "new routine" again, but I gotta plan better. I got hungry at work and ate my Luna Bar that I had planned to eat after work . I didn't bring my shaker to blend a Vega One shake (chai, anyone try it yet?) AND I did...

I managed to not kill myself today after work at the gym. It was my first attempt at a pseudo "leg day"! Today's workout included: Leg Press 12 reps, 3 sets, 120 pounds Leg Extensions 12 reps, 3 sets 40 pounds Leg Curls 12 reps, 3 sets 40 pounds Standing Calf Raises, 12 reps, 3 sets, 45 pounds Seated Calf Raises, 12 reps, 3 sets, body weight Squats with cables (30 pounds) 2 sets of 10 Abdominal Cable Twists, 2 sets of 12, 20 pounds 30 minutes on the treadmill, run/walk 5.0 mph. ran for 3 minutes walked for 1 Whew. I foam rolled to my heart's content after and sat in the hot tub at the gym for about 5 minutes. My body doesn't hate me...yet.