Lucky Loses It

Perhaps I should title my 2015 entries as 80s songs? Alas, too much pressure. I just finished my lunch. I'm amazed at myself that I only hate 75% of it, considering I was starving around an hour ago. I don't claim to know everything about weight loss, but I know one thing, I'm trying to not stress about what I eat. I'm also trying really hard to listen to my hunger cues, as well as my " I'm full even though there's food left! " cues. I had a smoothie today for breakfast along with a skinny caramel latte from the 'bucks. See, I drink caffeine AND have dairy. I chugged my water and got wrapped up in work and by 12 I was starving. I know I'm heading to a happy hour tonight (see, I DRINK too!) so I'm trying to budget my calories. I tried to keep within a normal range of carbs since it's my day off from the gym and I don't need a TON of calories, but I need enough to help me recover and feed my muscles. See, it's about balance. ...

Today I met with one of my "health coaches" to check in at the gym. This is just someone that is a part of my cheerleading team, like the bf, or my trainer in this journey to get back to a place where I am happy. I got weighed and lost a few more pounds since our last weigh in. This is a huge victory considering I've been drinking my normal amount, the holidays came and went and I had my own little treats and indulgences here and there. I also felt like a salt lick a few days here and there, but a small loss is a big win for me. Per usual, I can't be 100% happy. I don't trust it. I don't trust it's working, even though I am seeing results. My scale at home does not match the scale at the gym. When I'm naked and standing on it in the morning, it is not the same as the number in the gym. It's heavier by at least 1.5lbs. Is this some mean way the universe is playing with me? I started to get emotional in that little cramped room on the second fl...

Well, well, well. I'm finally free and clear. The holidays are over. I seriously can't stand the time from November 1 to December 31st. The pressure, the expectations, the comparisons, the time off or lack there of, the temptations, the money being spent etc...It's just such a drain on me. I'm spent. I don't travel during the holidays and my family phone calls home require a heavy dose of patience or several glasses of wine prior to dialing and I'm just...over it all. New Year's Eve was no exception. When I phoned home and all 3 members of my immediate family were soused beyond belief, I was annoyed and they were incredibly tiresome to talk with. It just cemented my choice to stay in, not drink heavily myself and have a quiet evening. It made me a bit sad too, but that's another post for another time. On the upside, I managed to come out of the holiday blur 8 pounds lighter. This in itself is a major victory. There would have more pounds shed, but ...

Banner day, today. First I get told by dermatologist that losing weight would help with a skin condition (gee, thanks) and then I got turned down for a job I had gone through two phone interviews with. Coupled with not being able to work out this morning, forgetting my gym socks for tonight and other work woes, Monday royally fits the stereotype of suckage today. This weekend I rallied though and did my first 5k in a long time. I survived the 3.1 miles and did it in about 36 minutes. Not bad, not great. I got home and iced and rested and took a bunch of ibuprofen. I had done some mild weight lifting in the morning, so jazzing myself up for a 6pm run through the streets of Oakland was not on my list of favorite things, but it was fun. I'm glad I did it though. I ran it alone and made a new friend via Twitter. I enjoyed seeing all the other women run, in costume or not and just the vibe of being downtown on a Saturday night and not going to a bar, but sweating my ass off, pluggin...

Part of my 42g protein breakfast on Wednesday I'm really trying this moderation thing. After working out for many consecutive days the past two weeks, the end result is not heaps of energy and a looser waistband. It is exhaustion. It is hunger. It is craving naps and carbs. At least for me.  The way the schedule works in my house is that Thursdays are rest days. The BF and I skip the gym in the morning but I usually end up going at night anyway. I won't do that this week. I'll be back on the horse for Fri-Wed again, and since my legs (quads, thanks front squat) are hurting today, I'm going to actually rest.  It feels "undeserved", since I didn't work out Fri-Sun of last week, but I need to change my mindset. Exercise is something I do because I enjoy it. It is not a means to an end. The journey never ends. I won't wake up six  months now and upon seeing pure satisfaction in the mirror one morning (a girl can wish), simply stop all that I...