Lucky Loses It

I'm reaching the point where I can finally start to see some progress. It's strange, when others notice it too. I've been spending this month oddly proud and somewhat embarrassed. I was chosen by my health coach and gym to be their "member of the month". I wanted to make sure my blurb talked about persistence and really overcoming obstacles. I feel like that's all I've had. My write up mentions a few things I can now do (push ups, tricep dips), things I've done (lost some weight, gained some muscle) and some challenges I've had (car accident, surgeries etc). I will admit, it's a bit odd to see my picture in various corners of the gym. Thank god no one has approached me about it -- only my coworkers who also go to the gym there. My shoulder and arm are still bothering me so I've been back to running and squatting. I've tried to pick up the dead lifts again too, as long as my back plays along nicely. I'm still mad at my...

Today I met with one of my "health coaches" to check in at the gym. This is just someone that is a part of my cheerleading team, like the bf, or my trainer in this journey to get back to a place where I am happy. I got weighed and lost a few more pounds since our last weigh in. This is a huge victory considering I've been drinking my normal amount, the holidays came and went and I had my own little treats and indulgences here and there. I also felt like a salt lick a few days here and there, but a small loss is a big win for me. Per usual, I can't be 100% happy. I don't trust it. I don't trust it's working, even though I am seeing results. My scale at home does not match the scale at the gym. When I'm naked and standing on it in the morning, it is not the same as the number in the gym. It's heavier by at least 1.5lbs. Is this some mean way the universe is playing with me? I started to get emotional in that little cramped room on the second fl...

Well, well, well. I'm finally free and clear. The holidays are over. I seriously can't stand the time from November 1 to December 31st. The pressure, the expectations, the comparisons, the time off or lack there of, the temptations, the money being spent etc...It's just such a drain on me. I'm spent. I don't travel during the holidays and my family phone calls home require a heavy dose of patience or several glasses of wine prior to dialing and I'm just...over it all. New Year's Eve was no exception. When I phoned home and all 3 members of my immediate family were soused beyond belief, I was annoyed and they were incredibly tiresome to talk with. It just cemented my choice to stay in, not drink heavily myself and have a quiet evening. It made me a bit sad too, but that's another post for another time. On the upside, I managed to come out of the holiday blur 8 pounds lighter. This in itself is a major victory. There would have more pounds shed, but ...

I woke up 2 pounds lighter today but I'm not going to get too excited. That is the equivalent of a lot of water, a ton of wine or maybe a giant bowel movement. I could be up 3 tomorrow, who knows. It was nice to see the scale actually move though, but I'm not going crazy until at least I'm out of the 180's. I realized today that even though I plan meticulously and dabble in a bunch of programs (both eating and workout related), I've never really followed one to the T. Back in the day, I tried Atkins and South Beach. And while I was 10 years younger and 20 pounds lighter, it worked for me then, but it won't work for me now. It also wasn't sustainable. A few years ago I had joined Weight Watchers. Again, while it worked for some friends famously, it did not work for me. I already ate healthily and exercised a lot and the program just didn't seem to boost me past any plateau I had hit. It was also a little too easy for me to have things just because ...

Crazy to believe I started this new blog one year ago today. I thought I would see myself a bad ass lifting machine by now, but that's not how life works, is it? I remember those first days in the gym after a 3 month hiatus due to the car accident and lots of chiropractic visits. I had just  literally already come off a month long hiatus prior due to hernia surgery before then, so it really did feel like starting from scratch. The days of just walking on the treadmill. The dread of going to the gym after work and hoping I didn't re-injure myself...I remember the hesitation and the feeling of being let down when I couldn't run or walk uphill due to back pain. I still have issues, but the more I remain active the more hopeful I am they will resolve themselves with time. I remember the day I took this picture. It was early September 2013. I had gone to the gym after work and really wanted to push past 30 minutes. I also bought this purple short sleeve shirt from H&M ...

This week has seriously been the longest.week.ever. I am excited to do NOTHING this weekend. All I plan to accomplish is the gym, a few naps, grocery shopping and house cleaning. After two crazy weekends in a row, mama needs some down time. The hermit in me cries out. I ended up taking a full rest day yesterday. Who am I kidding to think I'll actually make it to the gym during lunch or after work sometimes? My hatred of a packed gym and hunger override the desire to go. It happens. If you're starving and sore, chances are your body will thank you for not going to work out. After work we've been having lots of protests downtown so my natural instinct is to get the hell out of here as soon as possible to avoid any public transit delays. Once I get home, it's all snuggles with my dog, dishes and getting dinner ready. I just can't motivate hard enough (yet) if I don't work out in the morning. I still can't shake this constant exhaustion. Today was should...

Part of my 42g protein breakfast on Wednesday I'm really trying this moderation thing. After working out for many consecutive days the past two weeks, the end result is not heaps of energy and a looser waistband. It is exhaustion. It is hunger. It is craving naps and carbs. At least for me.  The way the schedule works in my house is that Thursdays are rest days. The BF and I skip the gym in the morning but I usually end up going at night anyway. I won't do that this week. I'll be back on the horse for Fri-Wed again, and since my legs (quads, thanks front squat) are hurting today, I'm going to actually rest.  It feels "undeserved", since I didn't work out Fri-Sun of last week, but I need to change my mindset. Exercise is something I do because I enjoy it. It is not a means to an end. The journey never ends. I won't wake up six  months now and upon seeing pure satisfaction in the mirror one morning (a girl can wish), simply stop all that I...

I had the pleasure of attending a girls getaway weekend this past week for a dear friend before her wedding. It was great to get out of the city and head to Napa, CA. Car rides full of 90s music, tasteless jokes and grocery store field trips make me happy. Even though I ended up drinking a little too much vino the first night, I managed to pull off a great dinner for the seven of us. I seem to always overdo the first night with booze.  It's almost like I wake up that morning and act like prohibition has just ended and goddammit I'm going to make up for lost time! I'm too old for that crap. While sitting in traffic I pulled off a menu in my mind of an Italian rice salad with roasted vegetables and mozzarella balls, grilled portabello caps, artichokes and red onions with a garden salad and some roasted chicken added to the mix. Needless to say, dinner was a success and healthy. The Spread It was a weekend of girl time, a massage for my weary body since I had pretty...

I really didn't want to get up today. I think I've worked out about 10 days in a row and may not have a rest day until Friday! I may not be able to work out all weekend due to a girl's getaway planned for my friend who is getting married in two weeks. It'll be over 90 degrees in Napa, so I don't foresee a run in my future. I know I AM getting a massage though, which I so desperately need. I attacked shoulders today along with  some fasted cardio. I aim to do some cardio every day, some more than others. I'm going to see if that helps revs up my weight loss. So far, nothing. I'm going to give my triceps a rest day since I've been doing my dips and push ups for a week straight as well. Today's workout: Shoulders Lat pull down 2x10# @ 75, 1x10 @90# Narrow grip pull down 2x10# @ 75, 1x10 @90# Front lateral raise on incline bench: 3x10 @10# T-raise: 3x10 @ 10# Side lateral raise: 3x10 @10# Seated military shoulder press: 2x10 @22.5# Standing ...

It's been a long week. I spent most of yesterday fixing everyone else's sloppy work or errors. I hate it when my job depends on the competency of others. Especially when it is non-existent. I slept in til 6:30 am (I know, the LUXURY!) and decided to hit the gym after work Thursday. I really had to force myself to enjoy it last night, but getting my frustrations out at that bar is much better for me than hitting up A bar after work. I did some assisted pull ups and tricep push downs, cable pulls, bicep curls with the 35# bar and skull crushers. I also managed to do a few sets at the bench: 2x10 at 55lbs 2x8 at  75lbs 2x8 at  85lbs 2x5 at  95 lbs I'm glad I haven't lost the ability to bench that weight with all the cardio I've been doing.  There were dudes all over though last night. I got to work out next to the mayor, that's always fun, but some of the other "dude bros" really piss me off. The slamming down of weights, the poor form, the nasty...

Mid-week blues. Allergies are going crazy today and being woken up half an hour earlier than my alarm makes me cranky. I was flipping through my fitness Instagram account last night and it depressed me. I started this journey (or at least documenting it by photos) on August 28, 2013. Almost one year later, I virtually look the same. Something has to be going on. I'm either not being true to myself, my tracking or honest with my food intake. Either that, or something is truly off balance inside of me, hormonally or my cortisol levels are so out of whack they are making me retain every bit of stress, guilt and grudges I've accumulated all year and rounding my belly out with them. I admit I am still holding grudges, I am still stressed out, I still have anxiety etc, but I don't believe it's too the point of where I should be hindered this much from losing weight. Part of me wanting to track again and use this blog was to see what works and what doesn't, and use it ...

I Well, I didn't make it back to the gym after work last night, but I did go home and knock out some shoulder presses with 25# dumb bells, 5x5, and in between did a set of 12 push ups. I hung out in the garage (literally) and toyed around with my body band for assisted pull ups and leg raises. I feel like I've gotten a few millimeters closer to pulling myself up. It's going to be a long, long process.Also, my hands are beginning to feel like sandpaper. Go callous, go! I made some chana masala last night with potatoes and mushrooms for dinner so I got my carb fix. I did not want to wake up this morning (still battling never ending fatigue), but 5:45 am came and up we went to the gym. I've got to start prepping the BF better the night before so we can get out of the house earlier. I'm not getting to the gym until about 7 am, which puts me on a machine by 7:10 and only gives me 30-35 min to work out before I have to make myself presentable for work. I fear the day I ...

I've definitely burned some calories. Well, this tracking thing didn't go very well, did it? No updates since December and I admit, life gets in the way and sitting in front of a computer is not what I want to do after a full day of work. I haven't had a magical transformation yet, but I have come a long way in terms of strength. I had set some goals to achieve by my birthday in July and I did it. I've been steadily going to the gym, just staying consistent and while the pounds haven't melted off of me, I am definitely stronger. Six months ago I could not do a full push up but today I can: Do 15 real push ups in a row.  I can maintain a wall sit for 3:30 with a 25 lb weight on my lap.  I can bench press 100 pounds.  I can do not 1, but 5 unassisted tricep dips.  I remember how hard it was just to keep my body weight up on the captain's chair (or the Power Tower at some gyms) at the Y. Now, I can walk right up to the equipment, pump out a few l...

Well, it appears as if I'm as terrible at blogging about this journey as I am with tracking. That's not to say I have not been on track, but I just find it so tiresome to track my food, my activity, my thoughts, my anything sometimes. Life gets in the way, I sit at a computer all day and fear the wrath of corporate America watching over me. I probably shouldn't be blogging now, but I'm on my lunch break. I've been staying ahead of the day by planning out my meals like this: Steamed broccoli, chicken breast and white sweet potatoes. Mini breakfast quiches. I've been trying to cook more healthy "comfort foods" like this: Homemade vegetarian matzo ball soup! I've had days like this: If only every day could be this way.... And, I've had days like THIS: I've been making a better attempt at keeping things in line, grocery shopping, prepping my food and meals for the week, laying out work out clothes, getting up at ...

I haven't been to the gym since Saturday and it's bugging me. I need to be better at planning. Tonight I am going after work and have decided on 30 minutes of run/walking on the treadmill if my hips can handle it and back/shoulder/tricep work for strength training. This morning I had a green juice with my breakfast (an organic feta/spinach/egg white burrito) and some watermelon. My lunch/snacks at work today include cherry tomatoes, blueberries, raspberries, half an avocado, chicken, romaine, red pepper hummus and a kiwi.I've been eating so many fruits and vegetables lately, I would think I should start feeling like Wonder Woman. But I don't. My skin is starting to freak out on me and I'm not sure why - little red bumps here and there on my chin and cheeks. I've always had great skin and I worry when things start to go awry. I thought with incorporating so many veggies into my diet things would start to clear up - where's my miraculous juice boost, peopl...

So, I'm thinking about running the Oakland Hella-Ween 5 miler in October this year. The lure of the ability to run in a tutu while wearing a hot dog hat also is appealing. Costumes? Beer? A short run? Why, Yes Please! All that is standing in the way is a $40 registration fee and well, my body. Will my knees be able to handle it? Will my hips/back/left ass cheek be able to sustain minimal damage? A year of body bullshit and two surgeries and a car accident really put a crimp in my weight loss journey. I'm hoping to get back on track and I know myself: If I don't have a goal or something to train for, I don't make the time. You'd think the want, the need, nay, the sheer desire to not hate myself would be enough. It's not. I haven't worked out since Saturday. Granted, I hiked a bunch of steps on Sunday and did a ton of walking and manual labor Monday, but no gym time. I had a full day of work Tuesday and a baseball game to attend that night. Today, working...