Lucky Loses It

Ok, so this is one thing I simply won't do. At least for now. Let me whine about my wine for a bit. Call me crazy, say I don't "want it bad enough" or have no self-control, but I love my glass (or 2) of wine at night. The past 5 days though, I have been very good and only had 1 glass per night. Well, there was one night I had two, but I hadn't eaten as much during the day and I just simply wanted some more. The one thing about diets I hate is the restriction. I hate authority. Well, I hate shitty authority, but if I know if it's for my best interest, I'll deal with it. Same with diets. I know that I can cut out drinking and lower caloric intake, but I also know I've lost weight while indulging on it as well. Balance is key, as it is with everything else in life. I'm not noticing any dramatic changes or shifts in my mentality though. I eat my dinner before my wine so I can digest it first, then I drink tons of water. This is making it hard for m...

I haven't written because I feel as if I'm in some sort of a slump again. That, combined with being busy socially kind of let the blogging priority fall to the wayside. I'm still plodding along, working out, meal prepping, lifting and running, and not seeing a change. Friends in and out of the area have gotten married, work is busy and I had a guest for a few days last weekend, so things have been all up in the air and are now settling down.  Since I haven't seen change or loss of fat in so long, I decided to do something about it. Note how I am focused on FAT, not "weight". I could care less what the scale says these days, I just want to fit into my clothes again and see muscle.  I went against every fiber of my being, everything I stand for, everything my wallet could handle and decided to join a weight loss program. I won't mention what it is in case it does or doesn't work. I'm still not sure how I feel about such caloric restriction, bu...

I really feel like I need to get into another program or start meeting with a trainer. There are days when I am strictly cardio, there are days when I work on particular body parts and there are days where I haphazardly go into the gym and do whatever I think won't make me hurt. Today was a mix of the later two. I'm giving my legs and back a rest today and went with upper body training. I decided to focus mainly on chest and triceps with a little shoulder work. I have also made a goal for myself to do 36 push ups a day every day for the month of October. That's just 3 sets of 12, or one day, I can do more than the 20 in a row I can do now. I just have to remember to NOT end my routine with the push ups like I did today, or else I literally feel like I am pushing the world away from me. Collapse was inevitable. It was a welcome surprise to see the weight area so empty on a Wednesday morning. I'm guessing the throes of men or sports fans who watched the wild card game...

Some days, you throw the shoes you wore to work in the trash by your desk because they are falling apart. Some days, you kneel in front of an open fridge after work and eat ham straight from the deli package in front of your dog. Some days, you rush home and go to the liquor store to buy wine because you've run out and dammit, now is not the time to be sober.  Last week I had all of those days and needless to say, I was thrilled the weekend came. I saw my physical therapist on Thursday to make sure my back was okay. It's been hurting me for the past week or so and I didn't want it to affect my workout routine. Even with a few days off, I managed to have a personal best on my squat on Saturday. 100 pounds! I also have been maintaining my bench press at a steady 105lbs so I'm not losing muscle. The only thing that sucks is that I haven't lost any fat either. I've been in that slump again. It started last week and I can't get the funk out. I'm falling ...

Crazy to believe I started this new blog one year ago today. I thought I would see myself a bad ass lifting machine by now, but that's not how life works, is it? I remember those first days in the gym after a 3 month hiatus due to the car accident and lots of chiropractic visits. I had just  literally already come off a month long hiatus prior due to hernia surgery before then, so it really did feel like starting from scratch. The days of just walking on the treadmill. The dread of going to the gym after work and hoping I didn't re-injure myself...I remember the hesitation and the feeling of being let down when I couldn't run or walk uphill due to back pain. I still have issues, but the more I remain active the more hopeful I am they will resolve themselves with time. I remember the day I took this picture. It was early September 2013. I had gone to the gym after work and really wanted to push past 30 minutes. I also bought this purple short sleeve shirt from H&M ...

Well, I made it to Friday. I almost didn't work out today since the BF crawled back into bed post alarm and decided he was not. Given the fact I was already awake and two other alarms kept going off, I took it as a cue to get my ass out of bed and go to the gym anyway. I may try and pull a double if I can. I ran for 35 minutes on the treadmill, followed by some leg raises (3x10) and tricep dips (2x5). I then hit the mat and did 4 variations of push ups. Ugh. 10 at wide stance, 10 at narrow stance, 10 pyramid push ups and a very painful 8 reps in pike position . Those are the devil. While I was headed to the treadmill, I saw a woman I see mostly every day doing her thing, walking uphill. She does this for about 30-40 minutes each day, or sometimes hops on the elliptical next to me. What's different about her is that she is obviously going through or underwent some sort of treatment (my guess is chemo therapy). At first, her stature startled me. She appeared weak and frail, ...

Impressive stats for the morning so far: My breakfast had 42 grams of protein in it and I think I squatted my ass off during my work out. For some reason the dog woke us up around 3 am this morning and I could not for the life of me get back to sleep. I keep reading memories and clips and social media messages of Robin Williams to pass the time. I laid awake dreading the morning sun and the soon to be slog of getting my ass to the gym. I only had about 40 minutes to work with, and even with my pre-workout , I just could not manage cardio. I walked by the cardio machines and gave them the death stare. I thought to myself "It's time to work the legs. It's going to be leg day." I started with the leg extension machine and got 3 sets of 10 in but really had no desire to be on a machine. Ever since they reorganized the gym it's become a misguided, misdirected array of fitness machines and the set up irks me. I'd rather just be in the weights section, small as ...

Mid-week blues. Allergies are going crazy today and being woken up half an hour earlier than my alarm makes me cranky. I was flipping through my fitness Instagram account last night and it depressed me. I started this journey (or at least documenting it by photos) on August 28, 2013. Almost one year later, I virtually look the same. Something has to be going on. I'm either not being true to myself, my tracking or honest with my food intake. Either that, or something is truly off balance inside of me, hormonally or my cortisol levels are so out of whack they are making me retain every bit of stress, guilt and grudges I've accumulated all year and rounding my belly out with them. I admit I am still holding grudges, I am still stressed out, I still have anxiety etc, but I don't believe it's too the point of where I should be hindered this much from losing weight. Part of me wanting to track again and use this blog was to see what works and what doesn't, and use it ...

I Well, I didn't make it back to the gym after work last night, but I did go home and knock out some shoulder presses with 25# dumb bells, 5x5, and in between did a set of 12 push ups. I hung out in the garage (literally) and toyed around with my body band for assisted pull ups and leg raises. I feel like I've gotten a few millimeters closer to pulling myself up. It's going to be a long, long process.Also, my hands are beginning to feel like sandpaper. Go callous, go! I made some chana masala last night with potatoes and mushrooms for dinner so I got my carb fix. I did not want to wake up this morning (still battling never ending fatigue), but 5:45 am came and up we went to the gym. I've got to start prepping the BF better the night before so we can get out of the house earlier. I'm not getting to the gym until about 7 am, which puts me on a machine by 7:10 and only gives me 30-35 min to work out before I have to make myself presentable for work. I fear the day I ...

Well, it appears as if I'm as terrible at blogging about this journey as I am with tracking. That's not to say I have not been on track, but I just find it so tiresome to track my food, my activity, my thoughts, my anything sometimes. Life gets in the way, I sit at a computer all day and fear the wrath of corporate America watching over me. I probably shouldn't be blogging now, but I'm on my lunch break. I've been staying ahead of the day by planning out my meals like this: Steamed broccoli, chicken breast and white sweet potatoes. Mini breakfast quiches. I've been trying to cook more healthy "comfort foods" like this: Homemade vegetarian matzo ball soup! I've had days like this: If only every day could be this way.... And, I've had days like THIS: I've been making a better attempt at keeping things in line, grocery shopping, prepping my food and meals for the week, laying out work out clothes, getting up at ...

Motivation. I hate this belly. I never knew an A-line skirt would make me feel like such a stuffed sausage. I ventured out to Target a few weeks ago in search of a corporate presentation-ready outfit for work. I figured, what's better for my curvy figure than a nice Mad Men inspired A-line skirt? First of all, I was shocked to have to size up to a 14 because of my belly girth. Ugh. Usually I'm a 10-12 in skirts. This was a jaw dropper, and not in the good way. It's a comfortable enough skirt, but it does not stretch. Bending down or sitting is pretty constrictive. I'm usually in loose flowy skirts these days, since I'm just so used to that material post surgeries. Now that my hernia is cleared up, I'm digging into the land of waistbands again - and painfully realizing how large my waistline has become again as well. I was pretty good this past week though - slowly making changes to accommodate working out again. I left work half an hour early to meet up...

AThe BF got me up early this morning and even though last night I had several mixed drinks and wine AND thai food for lunch, the key is balance.  I pushed through a steep 1.38 mi hike, got my heart rate up and burned 201 cal according to my HRM.  What's a nicer reward than this good view? This is from Claremont Canyon, near the Oakland and Berkeley border. A wonderful clear morning.  After my hike, I went to the Y. I did some weights and 20 minutes on the elliptical to get some extra cardio. It was a shoulder and back day: Overhead raises Front raises 5lb Lateral Raises 5lb Push downs  Pull downs 65 lb 12x3 Chest Press 40 lbs 12x2 And for fun: Glute press 60lbs at 12 reps x2 Seated Leg Press 110 pounds 12x2

Well, here I am. All over again. This post will be long because, well, I'm starting from scratch. If anyone ever finds this blog, I'd like to give some background on where I've come from and what my intentions are.  I'm going to count this as day 1, the first day in a very familiar journey of mine that I seem to revisit time and time again. The journey of losing weight and gaining strength and feeling confident. Why is it always so damn hard? The feeling has slipped away from me time and time again, yet this last time it's staying away far longer than planned. I've documented my ups and downs, my woes and wows all over the place, social media, my other blog etc, but nothing ever really sticks . Life threw me for a loop since April 2012 when I had to have a full hysterectomy . I had been working out hard, since September 2011 to lose weight. By April, I had managed to lose almost 20 pounds through running, diet and  weights classes. I even ran a half maratho...