The First Day, All Over Again

Well, here I am. All over again. This post will be long because, well, I'm starting from scratch. If anyone ever finds this blog, I'd like to give some background on where I've come from and what my intentions are.

 I'm going to count this as day 1, the first day in a very familiar journey of mine that I seem to revisit time and time again. The journey of losing weight and gaining strength and feeling confident. Why is it always so damn hard?

The feeling has slipped away from me time and time again, yet this last time it's staying away far longer than planned. I've documented my ups and downs, my woes and wows all over the place, social media, my other blog etc, but nothing ever really sticks. Life threw me for a loop since April 2012 when I had to have a full hysterectomy. I had been working out hard, since September 2011 to lose weight. By
April, I had managed to lose almost 20 pounds through running, diet and  weights classes. I even ran a half marathon a few days before my surgery.

Surgery did a number on my body and I'm still dealing with lingering side effects and limitations over a year later. Weight gain, fatigue, sensitivity in my abdominal region, loss of strength, insomnia, you name it. I had been told to refrain my lifting anything heavier than 10 pounds for about 6 weeks. Running? Try 3-4 months, and even then, start slowly. It took me about 6 months to get back to the gym, but the pounds had already began creeping up.

I was also involved in a car accident June 2013. Just when I was gearing up to hit the gym and weights again, I was knocked back down. I'm still here, but with new shoulder tendinitis, a jacked up lower back, sciatica pain that comes and goes and ribs that like to pop out when I move my body in ways that it doesn't like. I was told to lay off the gym for another two months after that.

In July 2013, I had to have an umbilical hernia surgery. It wasn't anything major, but again, 6 weeks of no gym time or exercise or anything to ruin my recovery process. added to my already in progress hiatus. It pained me that every time I wanted to make strides or "get back on the horse", life had some other obstacle for me to overcome or wait out.

I'm starting this blog to really focus on my day to day activities, eating habits and foray into exercise again. I've become inspired by so many other people that I follow, blogs I read, Instagram accounts I scour with motivational stories and successes, I wanted to see if I could inspire myself. I'll link to those people later on, but for now, this blog will be private, a space only for me to write in until I feel like sharing. It's for me to stay accountable.

I wanted a separate blog to document this reboot, a site specifically set aside for health, weight loss and fitness. The"losing it" part could either be weight or my sanity, I haven't decided on that yet.

I'm known to keep notes on my iPhone about "starting date measurements" and have watched my weight fluctuate since 2011. I am at my heaviest weight right now. I cringe, I hate waking up and going through the motions of choosing clothes to wear. I hate getting ready. I have become quite the hermit because I don't feel comfortable going out or seeing people who may have seen me last right before my surgery, when I was really "fit". My lowest weight was 154 right after surgery. My goal weight is 145 lbs. I am 5'4" tall, so that number is quite generous and within my frame/weight/height range.I feel comfortable with that goal.

I want to make a change for the better for myself and my sanity. I'm tired of feeling insecure, dressing down to hide myself, not making the effort to do my hair or make up bc it won't help. I talk terribly to myself. I put myself down and judge harsher than anyone I know. I need to be nicer to myself and remind myself that we all start somewhere, again. This time, I'm working on taking it easy, listening to my body and not jumping in head first to where I think I should be at the gym.

I've never put it all out there before, so here it is:

Starting Weight, 183.4 lb
Hips:    42 in
Waist:  38 in
Chest:  35 in
Bust:    40 in
Thigh:   21 in
Calf:     15.5 in
Upper Arm: 12.5 in

I hate seeing these numbers, but who knows where 6 months, 1 year I'll be this time around? I ventured to the gym last night, where I did 20 minutes of weights and 30 min on the elliptical with intervals. I was a little rusty, forgot my water bottle, my HRM and neglected to remember how my glasses slip off easily when I sweat. Time to invest in more contacts! I feel a bit sore today, but nothing terrible. The big hurdle today will be portion control at the office with our staff lunch: pizza.


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