Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Keep Showing Up

Mid-week blues. Allergies are going crazy today and being woken up half an hour earlier than my alarm makes me cranky.

I was flipping through my fitness Instagram account last night and it depressed me. I started this journey (or at least documenting it by photos) on August 28, 2013. Almost one year later, I virtually look the same. Something has to be going on. I'm either not being true to myself, my tracking or honest with my food intake. Either that, or something is truly off balance inside of me, hormonally or my cortisol levels are so out of whack they are making me retain every bit of stress, guilt and grudges I've accumulated all year and rounding my belly out with them.

I admit I am still holding grudges, I am still stressed out, I still have anxiety etc, but I don't believe it's too the point of where I should be hindered this much from losing weight. Part of me wanting to track again and use this blog was to see what works and what doesn't, and use it as a reference.

I wish I had kept better track of my food intake, my exercises, my feelings through the whole process  2 years ago. I feel robbed of what I believed to be the body I was almost happy with. Prior to my hysterectomy surgery due to a large fibroid, I was training for a half marathon. I was boxing. I enjoyed Bikram. I was active, let's put it that way. I lost about 20 pounds and was on my way to lose more. I can honestly say I was getting into the best shape of my life the right way, the fun way. Then, spring of 2012 hit and everything changed.

I don't want to harp on it or make excuses anymore, but I can't help but feel pissed off at the course of events that happened to me. I need to change my mindset. Things don't happen TO me, I go THROUGH things. Surgeries and car accidents aside, I have been consistent at trying to better myself and get stronger. I have suffered with recovery, inactivity, set backs and injuries long enough. Last summer's accident prevented me from doing a lot, but last fall I really started kicking things into high gear. Fast forward to today, and I can recognize the gains I have made, but I need to start focusing on loss.

I'm not looking for change overnight, but I really need something to keep me going. To keep pushing. 11 months and counting...counting the amount of clothes I can't fit into. I'm counting the amount of workout pants I own. I'm counting calories, counting minutes held in planks or wall sits. I would like to start charting some progress!! I guess this is the part of the journey where everyone says "keep going! push through it! stay with it! stay consistent!". So here I am. I'm going to keep showing up.

Today's Workout
Fasted cardio:
  • 3 mile run on the treadmill
  • 40 push ups
  • will work on assisted pull ups, leg raises at home
  • DB shoulder presses, front/side raises
Breakfast was a fat free english muffin with low sodium ham, thin sliced cheese and tomato and half a Lara bar (peanut butter cookie), lots of water. Lunch is being catered at work today, so it's sandwich wraps and fruit/veggies. I may pass on a cupcake, but I'm not made of stone.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Gotta Push Up to Get Down

I Well, I didn't make it back to the gym after work last night, but I did go home and knock out some shoulder presses with 25# dumb bells, 5x5, and in between did a set of 12 push ups. I hung out in the garage (literally) and toyed around with my body band for assisted pull ups and leg raises. I feel like I've gotten a few millimeters closer to pulling myself up. It's going to be a long, long process.Also, my hands are beginning to feel like sandpaper. Go callous, go!

I made some chana masala last night with potatoes and mushrooms for dinner so I got my carb fix. I did not want to wake up this morning (still battling never ending fatigue), but 5:45 am came and up we went to the gym. I've got to start prepping the BF better the night before so we can get out of the house earlier. I'm not getting to the gym until about 7 am, which puts me on a machine by 7:10 and only gives me 30-35 min to work out before I have to make myself presentable for work. I fear the day I forget my bra or bring an extra set of workout pants instead of work pants...Can I get an early dismissal for inappropriate work attire? Yes, Please.

I may have to go to the gym tonight to get an extra 20-30 minutes in. I'm trying lean out and upping my cardio is the only way I think that will work.

I ran interval sprints (walk 90sec, jog @ 6mph 1min, sprint @8 for 1 minute) this morning for 25 min and ended up doing 4x12 sets of push-ups. This morning I did variations with wide stance, narrow stance and triangle stance to work all sides of my triceps. Needless to say I was beet faced red and sweaty up until at least half an hour into my work day. I hate that.

Breakfast was:
  • half an avocado
  • boiled egg
  • trader joe's wheat and corn tortilla with kale, cheese and refried black beans
Lunch will be my usual spicy peanut Chinese chicken salad with a smattering of protein rich snacks throughout the day. I'm aiming for 1860 cal a day to see if it works.

I've been looking back through my Instagram and realizing that it's been almost a year since I've re-started this journey. I'm trying to not get upset at the fact that the same jeans I tried to fit into I STILL cannot fit into, nor has my weight gone down at all. I think my body really took a hit with the hysterectomy surgery, and even though I have my ovaries, my hormones and stress levels can't be completely normal.

I have taken matters back into my own hands again though and decided to start back on an old prescription with the advice of my doctor. We'll see if this helps my mindset or my body start reacting the way it should. I know I've come a long way with my knowledge, dedication and strength, now it's time to really focus and honing in on specific goals.

My pants are too bright for 6am.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Setting New Goals

I've definitely burned some calories.
Well, this tracking thing didn't go very well, did it? No updates since December and I admit, life gets in the way and sitting in front of a computer is not what I want to do after a full day of work. I haven't had a magical transformation yet, but I have come a long way in terms of strength. I had set some goals to achieve by my birthday in July and I did it.

I've been steadily going to the gym, just staying consistent and while the pounds haven't melted off of me, I am definitely stronger. Six months ago I could not do a full push up but today I can:
  • Do 15 real push ups in a row. 
  • I can maintain a wall sit for 3:30 with a 25 lb weight on my lap. 
  • I can bench press 100 pounds. 
  • I can do not 1, but 5 unassisted tricep dips. 
I remember how hard it was just to keep my body weight up on the captain's chair (or the Power Tower at some gyms) at the Y. Now, I can walk right up to the equipment, pump out a few leg raises and turn around to do some dips.

I've been good at meal prep, fasted cardio in the a.m., working on my muscles and trying different things in terms of diet and exercise. I've attended my first Soul Cycle class, which I loved, but can't afford due to location and cost, but it was fun and challenging. I've attended boot camp classes near my home, though I think I need to look into personal training a bit before I venture into the land of flipping tires and attempting pull ups again.

There was a trip back to the East Coast where I plugged in my headphones, played Eye of the Tiger and ran up the Rocky steps at the Philadelphia Museum of Art after a 2 mile run. Even on vacation, I made sure to enjoy a swanky hotel gym, a run by the water and over 15 miles of walking per day in New York City!

So, long story short,  I didn't give up, I just gave up tracking. I'd like to set new goals for myself this August which will include keeping myself accountable. I won't put pressure on myself to have lengthy, awe inspiring posts. I'll just post what I feel is necessary or something that I can track my progress with.

August Goals:
  1. Work on my assisted pull-ups and grip strength 3x a week 
  2. Plank a day, increase time by 3-5 sec
  3. The ability to be able to hold crow pose 
  4. Write in the blog, record meal and workout examples
  5. Track food with My Fitness Pal
  6. Minimum 36 push ups a day
A photo recap of what I've been up to, operation Bye Bye, Back Fat, still going strong.

Adios, rolls!