Monday, September 29, 2014

A case of the Mondays

Banner day, today. First I get told by dermatologist that losing weight would help with a skin condition (gee, thanks) and then I got turned down for a job I had gone through two phone interviews with. Coupled with not being able to work out this morning, forgetting my gym socks for tonight and other work woes, Monday royally fits the stereotype of suckage today.

This weekend I rallied though and did my first 5k in a long time. I survived the 3.1 miles and did it in about 36 minutes. Not bad, not great. I got home and iced and rested and took a bunch of ibuprofen. I had done some mild weight lifting in the morning, so jazzing myself up for a 6pm run through the streets of Oakland was not on my list of favorite things, but it was fun.

I'm glad I did it though. I ran it alone and made a new friend via Twitter. I enjoyed seeing all the other women run, in costume or not and just the vibe of being downtown on a Saturday night and not going to a bar, but sweating my ass off, plugging along the city streets, huffing and puffing and waving at cute cops at traffic stops.

Taking a day off today--unintentionally--but maybe I need it. I'm still in a hermit mode. I fear that it will only get worse now that the holiday season is approaching and I have some goals I'd like to work on in the gym before January. I got 3 months to keep my rally going.



This broad ran Broadway.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Down in the Dumps

Some days, you throw the shoes you wore to work in the trash by your desk because they are falling apart. Some days, you kneel in front of an open fridge after work and eat ham straight from the deli package in front of your dog. Some days, you rush home and go to the liquor store to buy wine because you've run out and dammit, now is not the time to be sober.

 Last week I had all of those days and needless to say, I was thrilled the weekend came. I saw my physical therapist on Thursday to make sure my back was okay. It's been hurting me for the past week or so and I didn't want it to affect my workout routine. Even with a few days off, I managed to have a personal best on my squat on Saturday. 100 pounds! I also have been maintaining my bench press at a steady 105lbs so I'm not losing muscle. The only thing that sucks is that I haven't lost any fat either.

I've been in that slump again. It started last week and I can't get the funk out. I'm falling down that slippery slope of self-hate again. I'm not thinking nice things about myself or my body. I'm avoiding the mirror. I'm having food guilt. I'm struggling between cutting my calories again since 1800 a day is NOT letting me lose weight, but I don't know if that's ENOUGH to fuel my workouts to continue to squat triple digits. Sigh.

I'm taking a break again. My PT basically shot me down and said my workouts are "too aggressive" for a someone with back pain. Granted it's low level though chronic pain, I am trying to build my strength and stay active. This, in the long run should help me. I realized I haven't really taken a full week off of working out. I mean, nothing, zip, zero, nada. I took about 7 days off from weights due to my forearm pain (oh tendinitis) but I just picked up the leg days and running in replace of that. 

Unfortunately, now I can't run, do any sprints, intervals, high impact work or lift heavy. Upper body workouts can stay, but my form has to be perfect. Body weight squats are fine, but anything else is asking for trouble. Now I've got myself a challenge to pick up some new classes, variations and workout routines. I think swimming or water aerobics, yoga and Pilate's are in my future. I'm thankful my gym has a pool and reformer classes. I'm willing to dish out the cash if it will be helping my core strength and alignment.

I just wish I could get out of this negative thought process. Every morning I dread finding an outfit. My internal dialogue is to the effect of: My pants don't fit. My face is fat. I have jowls. My workout top rides up when I run. My work clothes from last year don't fit STILL. My stomach is huge. What's wrong with me? I'm tired all the time. I posted somewhere the other day that I was tired of feeling like a "before" picture. That's what I honestly feel like. I'm at the precipice of something--and have been for a year--with no change. I've taken many a plunge, changed routines, diet etc and yet, here I am, unhappy again. The only thing I can do is to just keep waking up, working out and testing out different things to see what could work.


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Finding Flexitarian

I realized today I have a new favorite Starbucks drink. I also realized it is the longest name to ever order: "Sugar-free, Cinnamon Dolce Nonfat Coffee Frappuccino." That, my friends, is a mouthful --albeit a delicious mouthful. It's my latest obsession at around 110 calories for a tall. It's better than 200 cal for my beloved pumpkin spice latte though...the sacrifices I make.

I'm stuck in the land of cardio these days. A bit of overuse or who knows what I did to my forearm, has given me some pain and therefore I'm laying off of any weight training :(. I can't even do dips or push ups really without straining my arm and causing inflammation and pain. It sucks, plain and simple.

With my back being moody as well, I have to go easy on the treadmill and watch my movements. My "let's go September!" momentum has faded. I don't feel any closer to dropping a pants size, nor am I making any strength gains this month. I'm just in sustaining mode. Not gaining, not losing. Again.

One change I made this month is eating less meat. I don't really eat red meat anymore and I am going to see if this helps my digestion, my diet and how I feel. If I don't feel better doing this, I'll go back. I am trying to not really buy any meat this month (just use up what I have in the freezer/fridge) and only eat it at one meal during the day, usually lunch. A usual for me is Trader Joe's "Healthy Ham" with some eggs for breakfast, or organic boneless/skinless chicken thighs from Costco for lunches and some ground turkey for my tacos or as a snack post-workout. Time to kiss them good bye.

I have kicked up my fish intake though, so here I am welcoming in all those Omega-3's, Mr. Salmon. Hopefully I can get to a point where maybe I'll eat meat once in a while, or only while out. I'm trying to not freak out over "where is my protein coming from??" or FOF (Fear of Farting) from so many beans/veggies, but it will get me to be creative with how I feed and fuel my workouts. I guess we'll just have to see how this Flexitarian/Pescatarian world treats me.