Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Mini Milestone

It's been about 8 years since I have been able to run 1 mile in under 10 minutes. I didn't wake up thinking this was the day or that I'd even try. I just knew it was leg day, and I wanted to run 1 mile as my warm up.  Maybe it was the pre-workout beverage I drank giving me the extra initiative, but I just got on that treadmill, walked one minute and started running. I kept cranking up my speed every few minutes and by the last 3, I was running 7 mph. 
The last time I even attempted this was 2006 I believe, when I decided to train for a half marathon. Of course I was 8 years younger and a few surgeries shy, but the fact that I could complete it this morning gave me a little glimmer of hope of the year to come. 

Afterwards, I was glad to see the squat rack free. I managed to get in about 6 rounds of 6-8 reps starting with 2 rounds of just the bar at 10 reps. It went 45-65-85. I'm still taking it easy and not going full weight (95lb or above). I headed over to the free weight section and grabbed a 35# barbell and did some lunges, good mornings and ass-to-grass squats. I did side lunges and then 2 sets of 20 rapid fire squats til burn out. Needless to say, it was hard for me to walk down the gym stairs to the locker room. 

We had free lunch at work today so I refrained from going crazy, but I did indulge in half a mini burrito and a piece of chocolate cake. I ain't even gonna sweat it, because I was dripping sweat this morning. Eat the food, lift the things.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

The Trackin' Wagon

Well, 2015 is in full effect and I'm back on the wagon. Fun time is over, as said best by Red Foreman.
Mmm poke.
I let myself have a week off for vacation. No tracking, highly caloric booze intake, carbs were eaten, long walks were had and though I indulged, I also made smart choices throughout my fun times. Even though I did partake in some loco moco in Hawaii, I also enjoyed a fantastic tuna poke and avocado salad as well for dinner one night. I'm sure it doesn't make up for the amount of Mai Tais I had every day starting around 2pm. While they were delicious, I could totally tell the sugar and juice intake were going to be the death of me. That, and when you eat out at a restaurant, food is so much saltier than when made at home. I felt like a giant salt lick a couple of times, but it was worth it. 

While it was a beach vacation, I didn't bust out into my usual hives thinking about getting into a bathing suit like I usually do. I actually wore a two-piece...twice! Sure I refused to wear a non-skirt bottom and never pranced around a populated area, but I tried to relax and not give a flying fuck what people thought of me, or what I was happy/unhappy with. That worked for the most part, but I was still self-conscious and picking apart images like these with thoughts of how much farther I have to go. But you know what? Do you know the major non-scale victory here? I ALLOWED myself to be photographed like this. In daylight. Without my face covered. By my boyfriend. Thar she blows, my belly, in all its glory. Also, my belly button is now huge. I blame the hernia surgery for that one. Grrr.

The day after we got back, I hit the gym and ran 4 miles. I chugged a ton of water. We were leaving for a wine tasting trip in Central Coast the next day, so I had to do something. I overindulged yet again and didn't track ANY thing on myfitnesspal, but sometimes you need to do that. I met with my health coach yesterday and had to face the music. I got on the scale and was pleasantly surprised.

According to her metrics, I actually lost .2lbs. My fat percentage went up (I knew it would) and my muscle LOSS was a sad 3 pounds, but I can get that back soon I think. I managed to run 4 miles again in under 45 minutes on Tuesday, which is a time I have not seen in YEARS. This gives me hope. My body seemed to be bouncing back from excess instead of harboring onto it like an old Russian woman with a grudge. 

Today I tried a day of strength training, it's been a few weeks. My shoulder and tendinitis still give me pain, so I'm going super light on the weights and trying to maintain. I meet with my trainer for some circuit training tonight after work and I'm dreading it. I don't think I can go through a hellish workout tonight and not pay for it...oy. 

Overall, I think I'm back on track. I logged back into myfitnesspal and it's back to meal prep. I have a goal to lose 2 lbs by next weigh-in, putting me in the 160's. I haven't seen that range in 2 years. I'm going to see if I can run 4 miles now instead of the usual 3 I do for my cardio. It's time to up the game.

In other news, I may actually sign up for my first nutrition class at a nearby college. It's only a seminar/overview of the curriculum, but I gotta start somewhere. I'm also getting my CPR certification this weekend. This is all crap I should've done 2 years ago, but better late than never.

Also, say hi to Richard. 

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Hungry Like the Wolf

Perhaps I should title my 2015 entries as 80s songs? Alas, too much pressure.

I just finished my lunch. I'm amazed at myself that I only hate 75% of it, considering I was starving around an hour ago. I don't claim to know everything about weight loss, but I know one thing, I'm trying to not stress about what I eat. I'm also trying really hard to listen to my hunger cues, as well as my "I'm full even though there's food left!" cues.

I had a smoothie today for breakfast along with a skinny caramel latte from the 'bucks. See, I drink caffeine AND have dairy. I chugged my water and got wrapped up in work and by 12 I was starving. I know I'm heading to a happy hour tonight (see, I DRINK too!) so I'm trying to budget my calories. I tried to keep within a normal range of carbs since it's my day off from the gym and I don't need a TON of calories, but I need enough to help me recover and feed my muscles. See, it's about balance.

I'm trying to not count calories or obsess over things, but I figured out my calorie intake via this handy online Calorie Calculator. I'm basically eating at a 20% deficit right now, which would equal about .9lbs loss a week. This is pretty much on point based on your goals. It's a LOT less than what I was eating before, and I don't want to restrict anymore, so I hope I don't plateau for a while.

I had brought some cheese and crackers to munch on today (portioned out) but haven't touched them yet. I had some tomato soup with a small square of focaccia (bread!) and some chopped chicken breast to throw on a bed of butter lettuce. Doesn't seem like much, but I couldn't finish the soup to my surprise. I was just kind of...done. So I here I sit, staring at my perfectly portioned 8 pita crisps (omg, carbs!) and cheese and feel ok without them. I may not even eat my meal bar for a late snack either.Normally I go by the "If I have it, I'm gonna eat it" mentality, but today I'm not. This is a big step. I may not be this way tomorrow, but for today I'll take it.

I weighed myself this morning on MY scale, and it was only a pound off from the I guess I feel ok knowing I am indeed losing weight. While eating real food. Imagine that.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

I get so emotional, baby

Today I met with one of my "health coaches" to check in at the gym. This is just someone that is a part of my cheerleading team, like the bf, or my trainer in this journey to get back to a place where I am happy.

I got weighed and lost a few more pounds since our last weigh in. This is a huge victory considering I've been drinking my normal amount, the holidays came and went and I had my own little treats and indulgences here and there. I also felt like a salt lick a few days here and there, but a small loss is a big win for me.

Per usual, I can't be 100% happy. I don't trust it. I don't trust it's working, even though I am seeing results. My scale at home does not match the scale at the gym. When I'm naked and standing on it in the morning, it is not the same as the number in the gym. It's heavier by at least 1.5lbs. Is this some mean way the universe is playing with me?

I started to get emotional in that little cramped room on the second floor of the gym. I could hear the instructor teaching Zumba a few doors down and the thumping of bad pop music through the walls made me feel like a bad after school special. Jenny, Eat Something, or Billy, Don't Tell seems to be the way my story is playing out. My movie title could be Jessica, Love Yourself. I know I'm hard on myself. I get it. I know I gotta stop comparing myself to the me from 3 years ago. I am a different person. I am in a different time, and many different things have happened to me along the way. There is no way, physically or mentally, I can be the girl in this picture again.

I need to come to terms with the fact that it's OK. I can be better. I can be different. I can be bigger, I can be smaller. And it's fine. I like my hair better now anyway. I can be buff, beautiful and bitchin' another way, another day.

We talked about goals, and what my motivations were on this journey. I had actually been thinking about that this weekend. Why am I doing this? Why am I pushing so hard? Why am I up at the crack of dawn 6 days a week to get my ass to the gym? It's like I'm protecting myself from something. I'm trying to build a wall around some unforeseeable next catastrophe or accident or injury that I am sure is coming my way. I'm walking around waiting for the other shoe to drop on me, which I know is ridiculous. I'm building strength and endurance to endure whatever life is going to throw at me.

The stronger I am, the more lung capacity I have, the better I can protect, recover and repair myself. This is my thinking. I'm also thinking down the road when I'm an old lady and I want to be able to carry my groceries, run 5ks in a tutu and be able to lift gallons of milk over my head like a granny She-Hulk. Only I won't be a grandma, I'll just be a buff lil old lady who can take care of herself. That's my ultimate goal I guess. It's neither good or bad, it just is what it is.

I had to stop myself from crying a bit today. Coming to terms with things on this "weight loss journey" is part of the process. Finding out what got me here, what makes me stay here and where I want to be after is all part of the plan. Sometime it's not so pleasant or warm and fuzzy and wrapped in loud yoga pants. It's red faced, blotchy, hive-y and tearful. And tiresome. I am so very tired, but I will keep pushing.

11.6 pounds lost since November 5th. 6% body fat gone. Let's see what the next few months bring.

Friday, January 2, 2015

Here we go again...

Well, well, well. I'm finally free and clear. The holidays are over. I seriously can't stand the time from November 1 to December 31st. The pressure, the expectations, the comparisons, the time off or lack there of, the temptations, the money being spent etc...It's just such a drain on me. I'm spent.

I don't travel during the holidays and my family phone calls home require a heavy dose of patience or several glasses of wine prior to dialing and I'm just...over it all. New Year's Eve was no exception. When I phoned home and all 3 members of my immediate family were soused beyond belief, I was annoyed and they were incredibly tiresome to talk with. It just cemented my choice to stay in, not drink heavily myself and have a quiet evening. It made me a bit sad too, but that's another post for another time.

On the upside, I managed to come out of the holiday blur 8 pounds lighter. This in itself is a major victory. There would have more pounds shed, but yes, wine was drunk, carbs were eaten and every day was not spent at the gym. I'm happy with what I've been able to do after stalling for so long. I could have been drinking more water and I haven't been as strict with my meal plan, but now all the excuses are out the window, just like 2014. Good riddance!

Now comes the onslaught of gym newbs hogging all the cardio machines, all the proclamations of new year's diets, cleanses, restrictions and the like on social media or media in general. I just have to tune it out. Already healthy people denying themselves or "challenging" themselves to more restrictive eating and encourage orthorexia just aggravates me. My own BF is not exempt either. It's tough to live with someone who comments on every carb, has to "move or be active" every day and just doesn't understand the concept of REST periods longer than a day.

Seriously. First 2015 meme created by ME.

Since I'm dealing with two injuries now, I have to take it easy and practice self-care moreso than ever. This doesn't mean I'm not going to the gym, I just have to know my limitations. I went a little hog wild on New Year's Day and worked out for 2 hours. Mostly cardio, but I attempted some weights which I shouldn't have. It's just hard when I'm there, seeing things I want to do, feel a bit ok and push myself too far too soon. Hello ibuprofen my old friend...and steam rooms...and pain patches....and heating pads. Lesson learned. I started out strong, then got a bit upset and let down at the aftermath of it all.

Here I am again, a new year with new goals. Another year will go by in the blink of an eye. I look forward to this time next year and to see what changes have happened.