Saturday, August 31, 2013

Day 4: A Morning Hike

AThe BF got me up early this morning and even though last night I had several mixed drinks and wine AND thai food for lunch, the key is balance. 

I pushed through a steep 1.38 mi hike, got my heart rate up and burned 201 cal according to my HRM. 

What's a nicer reward than this good view? This is from Claremont Canyon, near the Oakland and Berkeley border. A wonderful clear morning. 
After my hike, I went to the Y. I did some weights and 20 minutes on the elliptical to get some extra cardio. It was a shoulder and back day:
Overhead raises
Front raises 5lb
Lateral Raises 5lb
Push downs 
Pull downs 65 lb 12x3
Chest Press 40 lbs 12x2

And for fun:
Glute press 60lbs at 12 reps x2
Seated Leg Press 110 pounds 12x2

Friday, August 30, 2013

Day 3: The Pizza Diaries

I swear, every time I start a diet, it seems as if the heavens open up and social invites for drinks and dinner and pizza fall into my lap. I am a hermit, I like my alone time and I find that sometimes social outings also test my very low will power. Sigh.

I had pizza at work this week. The BF and I have veggie frozen pizzas in the fridge for quick meals during the week when we have had a lower carb day. We ration these out, and I jazz them up with extra vegetables like frozen spinach, mushrooms, kale or a protein like tofu. I still had pizza left over from the work luncheon in our fridge and when I got home from the gym last night I was starving. I haven't been very good at planning post work-out recovery meals. I know it's only the beginning of my "new routine" again, but I gotta plan better.

I got hungry at work and ate my Luna Bar that I had planned to eat after work. I didn't bring my shaker to blend a Vega One shake (chai, anyone try it yet?) AND I didn't feel like buying at shake at the gym. Now what? Well, I came home, ripped into the fridge and ate some pizza. These are small pieces mind you, not giant NY style slices. When the BF got home, he suggested it be a pizza night. Sigh. I made it, since I was tired and not in the mood to chop veggies or plan a meal, but I rationed out 1/4 of the pizza and ate that only. I felt only mildly guilty since I did work out and well, carbs are not always the enemy. Muscles need recovery food, right?

This morning I made a breakfast smoothie with almond milk, a banana, PB2 (my love), vegan vanilla protein powder,some chia seeds and ice. I was still hungry. That left over lil piece of pizza from last night? Breakfast #2 this morning 2 hours later. I didn't pack a lunch today either since I know I'm going out after work and didn't have time to plan ahead. I'm failing miserably at this crap this week. "Fail to plan, plan to fail" rings in my head. Ugh.

I also woke up to my instagram account being disabled for this journey. Apparently I posted a picture of a salad from my other personal account and I'm banned. WTF. So, if you want to follow me on Instagram, my profile is: luckylosesit2. I guess that's ok. It was really annoying though. Thank god it's Friday. I promise, next week, I won't talk about pizza so much.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Day 2 Workout

I managed to not kill myself today after work at the gym. It was my first attempt at a pseudo "leg day"!

Today's workout included:

Leg Press 12 reps, 3 sets, 120 pounds
Leg Extensions 12 reps, 3 sets 40 pounds
Leg Curls 12 reps, 3 sets 40 pounds
Standing Calf Raises, 12 reps, 3 sets, 45 pounds
Seated Calf Raises, 12 reps, 3 sets, body weight
Squats with cables (30 pounds) 2 sets of 10
Abdominal Cable Twists, 2 sets of 12, 20 pounds

30 minutes on the treadmill, run/walk 5.0 mph. ran for 3 minutes walked for 1

Whew. I foam rolled to my heart's content after and sat in the hot tub at the gym for about 5 minutes. My body doesn't hate me...yet.

Day 2: Starting Slowly

Well, I won't say I failed yesterday, since I knew I was going to have pizza for lunch, but the guilt set in. I have a co-worker doing the Whole 30 diet who cannot really eat anything offered in the normal/fast/cheap realm of food. Office catered lunches are usually a bevvy of starch, sugar and carbs galore. I admired her discipline to bring her own food and sit out the staff birthday lunch. My office has gotten better about healthy lunches since I started, but this month's luncheon was focused on red velvet cake and pizza. I had a side salad and limited my selection to two small pieces. I sat with another coworker who was on a diet who only had a plate filled with salad and hot wings. I felt bad for letting myself enjoy pizza.

I felt that I "failed" at 3 pm though when I had a third piece. I knew I wasn't working out that night because I had a chiropractor appointment after work, but I also don't want to trap myself in a mentality of "you can't eat anything evil!". I wanted a snack, I knew I wouldn't eat til past 8pm and I wanted something to last me the commute to and from the chiro. I ate the damn pizza, now I moved on.

No food is evil. Too much food causes problems. One day of having pizza isn't going to derail my efforts, but I can't shake the guilt. I had wine when I got home. I said I would have a green juice for dinner and I didn't. I had brown rice pilaf and some leftover chicken I fried the night before. When I lost weight the first time, I still had wine. I still ate sandwiches - the most unholy food of all. Imagine all the carbs and condiments and processed evil I put in my body! It still fueled my workouts and I still lost weight.

I know things will be slow these first 1-3 months. I won't miraculously drop 10 pounds this month since I'm eating healthily. I always eat well. I just have to focus on portion control and moving my body around more. I know I am getting more vegetables in my diet since I'm juicing. I'm taking vitamins. I'm going easy on my body. I plan to work out tonight, my usual 20 minutes of weights to 30 minutes of cardio. My back is a bit stiff, but I'll roll with it. I'll even foam roll it later.

Outside of some random side pain (I hope my right ovary isn't revolting), I feel pretty good. Now to just get through the work day...

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Before Photos

It burns!
If I'm going to be accountable and really put it out there, here are the photos/experiences that really upset me and pretty much were the straw that broke the camel's back in this body of mine. I work in a corporate environment, so I have to dress up. I'm used to being able to wear comfortable clothes, yoga pants and turn workout attire into reasonably disguised 9-5 wear. Not here. I've managed to buy some dresses here and there and I've found some scores in sales racks. I'm a fan of easy on, easy off, especially gym days. I have this one dress though, that I didn't try on before I bought it. It fits everywhere except for my big matronly arms. The last time I wore it, I had painful chafing and basically felt like my circulation was being cut off because it was so tight around the circumference.

Food Baby
Ah, bloating. Ever since my surgeries, my digestion has been less than stellar. Every day I find something else that causes me extreme bloating, gas pains, gas, a snap crackle popping noise in my left side (the bubble guts I like to call them) or embarrassingly loud howls coming from my bowels. This does not bode well in an office setting. One day, after having a seemingly innocent breakfast of a green juice, a green tea latte (with full dairy) and some grapes, this happened. Half way through my work day I realized I had a basketball sized food baby protruding out of my body. This is unacceptable.
Finally, here it is. The body I am born with, the body that shames me. I know, things could be worse. I could be missing a limb. I could be unable to walk etc, but this is not the shape I am comfortable in. This is not the shape I move well in. This body has taken a beating, internally and externally. My stomach bears 6 scars and I seem to carry all my weight in it. I'm a woman, I'm a Cancer and I'm told this is normal, but I don't like it. I also know that weight is not a number, but the scale is not clouding my mind with muscle. There's fat in them thar hills. I also know a waist size of 36 or greater is not healthy as a woman, especially one in her 30s. For my own health and future, it's important I start taking better care of myself now, to prevent any more complications later. Seeing these images make me cry right now. I hope to look back one day and say they made me proud. Today is not that day.

The First Day, All Over Again

Well, here I am. All over again. This post will be long because, well, I'm starting from scratch. If anyone ever finds this blog, I'd like to give some background on where I've come from and what my intentions are.

 I'm going to count this as day 1, the first day in a very familiar journey of mine that I seem to revisit time and time again. The journey of losing weight and gaining strength and feeling confident. Why is it always so damn hard?

The feeling has slipped away from me time and time again, yet this last time it's staying away far longer than planned. I've documented my ups and downs, my woes and wows all over the place, social media, my other blog etc, but nothing ever really sticks. Life threw me for a loop since April 2012 when I had to have a full hysterectomy. I had been working out hard, since September 2011 to lose weight. By
April, I had managed to lose almost 20 pounds through running, diet and  weights classes. I even ran a half marathon a few days before my surgery.

Surgery did a number on my body and I'm still dealing with lingering side effects and limitations over a year later. Weight gain, fatigue, sensitivity in my abdominal region, loss of strength, insomnia, you name it. I had been told to refrain my lifting anything heavier than 10 pounds for about 6 weeks. Running? Try 3-4 months, and even then, start slowly. It took me about 6 months to get back to the gym, but the pounds had already began creeping up.

I was also involved in a car accident June 2013. Just when I was gearing up to hit the gym and weights again, I was knocked back down. I'm still here, but with new shoulder tendinitis, a jacked up lower back, sciatica pain that comes and goes and ribs that like to pop out when I move my body in ways that it doesn't like. I was told to lay off the gym for another two months after that.

In July 2013, I had to have an umbilical hernia surgery. It wasn't anything major, but again, 6 weeks of no gym time or exercise or anything to ruin my recovery process. added to my already in progress hiatus. It pained me that every time I wanted to make strides or "get back on the horse", life had some other obstacle for me to overcome or wait out.

I'm starting this blog to really focus on my day to day activities, eating habits and foray into exercise again. I've become inspired by so many other people that I follow, blogs I read, Instagram accounts I scour with motivational stories and successes, I wanted to see if I could inspire myself. I'll link to those people later on, but for now, this blog will be private, a space only for me to write in until I feel like sharing. It's for me to stay accountable.

I wanted a separate blog to document this reboot, a site specifically set aside for health, weight loss and fitness. The"losing it" part could either be weight or my sanity, I haven't decided on that yet.

I'm known to keep notes on my iPhone about "starting date measurements" and have watched my weight fluctuate since 2011. I am at my heaviest weight right now. I cringe, I hate waking up and going through the motions of choosing clothes to wear. I hate getting ready. I have become quite the hermit because I don't feel comfortable going out or seeing people who may have seen me last right before my surgery, when I was really "fit". My lowest weight was 154 right after surgery. My goal weight is 145 lbs. I am 5'4" tall, so that number is quite generous and within my frame/weight/height range.I feel comfortable with that goal.

I want to make a change for the better for myself and my sanity. I'm tired of feeling insecure, dressing down to hide myself, not making the effort to do my hair or make up bc it won't help. I talk terribly to myself. I put myself down and judge harsher than anyone I know. I need to be nicer to myself and remind myself that we all start somewhere, again. This time, I'm working on taking it easy, listening to my body and not jumping in head first to where I think I should be at the gym.

I've never put it all out there before, so here it is:

Starting Weight, 183.4 lb
Hips:    42 in
Waist:  38 in
Chest:  35 in
Bust:    40 in
Thigh:   21 in
Calf:     15.5 in
Upper Arm: 12.5 in

I hate seeing these numbers, but who knows where 6 months, 1 year I'll be this time around? I ventured to the gym last night, where I did 20 minutes of weights and 30 min on the elliptical with intervals. I was a little rusty, forgot my water bottle, my HRM and neglected to remember how my glasses slip off easily when I sweat. Time to invest in more contacts! I feel a bit sore today, but nothing terrible. The big hurdle today will be portion control at the office with our staff lunch: pizza.