Thursday, August 28, 2014

A Look Back

Crazy to believe I started this new blog one year ago today. I thought I would see myself a bad ass lifting machine by now, but that's not how life works, is it?

I remember those first days in the gym after a 3 month hiatus due to the car accident and lots of chiropractic visits. I had just  literally already come off a month long hiatus prior due to hernia surgery before then, so it really did feel like starting from scratch. The days of just walking on the treadmill. The dread of going to the gym after work and hoping I didn't re-injure myself...I remember the hesitation and the feeling of being let down when I couldn't run or walk uphill due to back pain. I still have issues, but the more I remain active the more hopeful I am they will resolve themselves with time.

I remember the day I took this picture. It was early September 2013. I had gone to the gym after work and really wanted to push past 30 minutes. I also bought this purple short sleeve shirt from H&M ahead of time because none of my old work out tops fit or flattered me. I was embarrassed of my stomach and fat arms. I didn't want anything to cling to me. I had this look of determination though, I was so serious. I can see the sadness in my eyes too though, the struggle and the thought process behind them that says, "Please let this work."

In those days, I sometimes left the gym with tears welling up in my eyes. The frustration, the pain, the anger when I thought how exactly one year prior I was in the best shape of my life. My current gym selfies are a bit more sweaty now, maybe more smirky, but I'm still determined.

What I internally fight with now is that for all the time I've put into my workouts, I believe I should see more of a change in my body. I took the photo on the left on 8/28/13. I took the photo on the right on 8/24/14. Pretty much one year apart, pardon the shitty quality but it really depressed me. It's been really hard to not be down on myself or upset with myself for not seeing a more obvious changes in myself this week.
I can see a teeny more definition in my waist. I notice some leaning out in my back and the beginning of some back muscles! I get discouraged since I follow other motivational accounts on social media and see so much more done in so much shorter of a time. Argh!! I know, eyes on my own journey. Eyes on my own workout. 

I'll try to take some more pics this weekend after a hopefully more active workout and with better lighting. Getting a shot of your own back and ass is hard, I gotta say. All I can do is keep doing what I'm doing. Stay consistent. Stay the course. Keep lifting heavier and trying to get my cardio in. I may also attempt to go vegetarian for 90% of meals nowadays. I'm trying to make it as easy as possible for my body to take in, digest and fuel my body with what I need.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Shake, Rattle and Roll

To say I am looking forward to this upcoming three day weekend is an understatement. I only wish I was going away somewhere for a quick trip, but a staycation is probably just what the doctor ordered.

I'm taking it easy this week on the weights since I seem to have given myself a tiny case of golfer's elbow somehow. The tendons between my forearm and bicep are not happy with me on my right arm. I may have been overdoing it with front squats or some bar action :(. My legs are also still killing me from my 90 minute workout on Saturday.

For the first time in a while I was able to work out alone at the Y and do a good, solid 60+ min workout. I was in the zone. I did so many squats (sumo, goblet, bench) and lunges (side and reverse) with the 40lb barbell, along with some chest and back work. Someone was taking up the squat rack for the entire time, so I was a bit peeved, but I managed to kill it on my own in the free weight section. I sweat so much I had a little puddle where I was working out. Gross, I know....

I also started and ended with a mile run on the treadmill. 700 calories burned. I was pretty much down for the count on Sunday though. I skipped the gym since I was up at 3:30 in the morning anyway due to our NorCal earthquake! It was centered 30 miles from where I live, but we definitely felt the rolling for a good 10-15 seconds and falling back asleep was not an option!

I did a bit of meal prep instead and made my simple salsa chicken stew. I always think my food looks better than it really does, but despite the terrible picture, this is actually quite tasty and easy for my lunches. I think this pic can qualify for the food horrors of Instagram if I really try...

Here's the recipe:

Trust me, it's really tasty.
Salsa Chicken Stew
1 lb of boneless, skinless chicken thighs
1 tbs olive oil
2 cloves of garlic, chopped
2 cups of broth
1 small red onion chopped
1 can of black beans, rinsed
1 can of organic corn kernels (no sugar added)
1 can of diced green chilis
1 roasted poblano pepper, chopped (optional)
2 roma tomatoes, chopped or 1 can of diced tomatoes
1/4 cup of salsa of your choice

Shredded cheese and green onion to top it off.

The How-To

Cut the chicken into bite sized pieces of your choice. In a sauce pan (or pot), warm the olive oil and brown the chicken on all sides. Add the onions and garlic until the onion is translucent. Add in the broth, tomatoes, salsa, black beans, corn and poblano if you have it. I just happened to have one lying around that I grilled and it really kicked up the spice level of the stew for me.

Bring the stew to a boil and then lower the heat and cover for 15 minutes. Add the green chilis last since they tend to disintegrate if over cooked. Cook for another 10 minutes. Scoop out into bowls and top with green onion and cheese (if desired).

I made a batch of this and it's good for at least 4 bowls of 1.5 cups of stew. It gets better each day!

Friday, August 22, 2014

Friday Shoulder Workout

This week has seriously been the longest.week.ever. I am excited to do NOTHING this weekend. All I plan to accomplish is the gym, a few naps, grocery shopping and house cleaning. After two crazy weekends in a row, mama needs some down time. The hermit in me cries out.

I ended up taking a full rest day yesterday. Who am I kidding to think I'll actually make it to the gym during lunch or after work sometimes? My hatred of a packed gym and hunger override the desire to go. It happens. If you're starving and sore, chances are your body will thank you for not going to work out.

After work we've been having lots of protests downtown so my natural instinct is to get the hell out of here as soon as possible to avoid any public transit delays. Once I get home, it's all snuggles with my dog, dishes and getting dinner ready. I just can't motivate hard enough (yet) if I don't work out in the morning. I still can't shake this constant exhaustion.

Today was shoulders and a little back action. I had originally intended to do some running, but figured tomorrow will be leg day and some cardio, so today was arms. I was craving some muscle building. The fact that I can barely lift my protein shake right now means I did something right. I worked on rotator cuff strengthening too. Ever since my car accident I have the now wonderful affliction of a rib that pops out or upper/lower back aches. My goal is to grown and strengthen the muscles around my shoulder blades and core to help with that.

All through my workout though I noticed my gloves STANK. Seriously. I had no idea hand sweat could turn so odorous while sweaty gym gloves sit in your already moistened gym bag. I cannot wait until my gym bag deodorizers get here from Amazon. I feel so funkmaster flex. And tomorrow I will be sore. Time to protein up!

Friday Workout:

  1. Arnold Presses 2x10 @15lbs, 2x10@22.5
  2. Incline Y Raise 3x10 7.5lbs
  3. Incline W Raise 3x10 @ 10lbs
  4. Front incline dumbbell raise 3x10 @10lbs
  5. Reverse Flies on the bench, 2x10 @10lbs
  6. Single arm row, 3x10 @22.5lbs
  7. Lying single dumbbell french press, 3x10 @20lbs
  8. Chest press, 10 reps, 15lb, 22.5lb, 25lb
  9. Upright rows, 3x10 @15lbs
  10. Standing shoulder press, 3x10@15lbs
  11. 90 degree dumbbell external rotation 3x10 @5lbs
  12. Side raises 3x15 @5lb
  13. Simultaneous combo front/side raise 3x15 @5lb

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Weddings, Workouts and Wine

My lovely veggie plate.
That was my weekend. Apparently it's taken me 3 days to recuperate! I got to see one of my very best friends get married last Saturday and had a wonderful vegetarian reception to enjoy as well afterwards. I made sure to partake in everything and not feel any guilt!

I took Sunday as a rest day and met up with some friends for a bit before doing a quick essentials only grocery run. I didn't do a whole lot of meal prep outside of boiling some eggs and making 3 lunches with brown rice/ground turkey with taco seasoning. I am falling in love with grilled scallions though...but I digress.

Monday was back at the gym for 3 miles on the treadmill but my lower back is acting up again so it was a slow 3 miles. Tuesday was squats, chest and tricep day. I finally made my way to the big girl squat rack at my Monday-Friday gym near work. It's usually overrun with guys who take way too long or the rare girl who hogs it for squats and lunges. Tuesday that girl was me.

I did a few ass to grass reps with just the bar and then added 10lbs. I have to start slow, but we all gotta start somewhere. Hopefully in a few months I'll smile at all the weight I've begun to pile on the bar...

I'm now using 40/45lb barbells for my overhead press and skull crushers. This excites me. It's a real chore just getting to 8 reps, but I'm building strength. I don't really see any progress in my arms (I swear they are getting bigger and that is NOT what I want!) but I feel stronger. 

My hips are really tight though and I'm realizing I really need to get some yoga back into my life regularly. A few stretches here and there help a tiny bit, but I need a good hour long class to really help me back into the habit. Today I started with some assisted pull ups and tricep dips at 70lb resistance. I ran on the treadmill for 25 minutes and then did some leg raises. Tonight I aim to go to the gym again after work for a warm up and then some arm/shoulder work. Light weight, high rep day.

Friday, August 15, 2014

A Stranger's Inspiration

Well, I made it to Friday. I almost didn't work out today since the BF crawled back into bed post alarm and decided he was not. Given the fact I was already awake and two other alarms kept going off, I took it as a cue to get my ass out of bed and go to the gym anyway. I may try and pull a double if I can.

I ran for 35 minutes on the treadmill, followed by some leg raises (3x10) and tricep dips (2x5). I then hit the mat and did 4 variations of push ups. Ugh. 10 at wide stance, 10 at narrow stance, 10 pyramid push ups and a very painful 8 reps in pike position. Those are the devil.

While I was headed to the treadmill, I saw a woman I see mostly every day doing her thing, walking uphill. She does this for about 30-40 minutes each day, or sometimes hops on the elliptical next to me. What's different about her is that she is obviously going through or underwent some sort of treatment (my guess is chemo therapy). At first, her stature startled me. She appeared weak and frail, a tiny thing. She has a disfigured back and barely any hair on her body or meat on her bones. Yet she walks. She moves. She commits every day.

Sometimes she makes me sad. I'm not sad for her, but for the state she is in. I can smell the medication on her. I can sens the frailty in the locker room. I hate it for her. A eucalyptus breeze mixed in with menthol pain relief--reminiscent of a Salonpas patch or Icy-Hot--travels down the line of cardio machines or when she walks by.

I wonder about her. Was she in the peak of her life when something out of her control hit? Was she a fitness enthusiast who loved to work out when she was blindsided by illness? Or is she just trying to get better, maintain momentum and not give into whatever is ailing her? It's none of my business, but she is tenacious. She is inspiring. She is motivating. I am glad I woke up and forced myself to the gym just because I could.

There must have been a time when this stranger so desperately wanted to but couldn't. I'll never know what she went through or what she goes through on a daily basis. I can only see her getting faster every day. I think back to my own hurdles now and they pale in comparison in my mind. The days of being laid up in bed with hundreds of healing sutures, not even able to sleep on my back fade in the distance. Remembering the pain of an out of place rib or sore back, the summer spent at the seems far behind me now. I still pull from those memories though. I still wake up half hating where I am in this journey, but also quite thankful for the energy I have now to be and stay ON this journey.
keep going

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Rest Day!

high protein breakfast
Part of my 42g protein breakfast on Wednesday
I'm really trying this moderation thing. After working out for many consecutive days the past two weeks, the end result is not heaps of energy and a looser waistband. It is exhaustion. It is hunger. It is craving naps and carbs. At least for me. 

The way the schedule works in my house is that Thursdays are rest days. The BF and I skip the gym in the morning but I usually end up going at night anyway. I won't do that this week. I'll be back on the horse for Fri-Wed again, and since my legs (quads, thanks front squat) are hurting today, I'm going to actually rest.

 It feels "undeserved", since I didn't work out Fri-Sun of last week, but I need to change my mindset. Exercise is something I do because I enjoy it. It is not a means to an end. The journey never ends. I won't wake up six  months now and upon seeing pure satisfaction in the mirror one morning (a girl can wish), simply stop all that I'm doing. 

I'm not a slave to the routine and I'm not going to penalize myself for taking time to relax. I've got plenty to keep me busy tonight after work anyhow. I'd like to go up in weight on the barbell next week (40lbs) with my sets and be able to bench press this weekend. I think that if I stick to my core compound movements, I'll continue to move forward somehow. Dead lifts, bench press, overhead press and pull up work is the name of the game. Add in some push-ups, cardio, ab work and something, anything please change on me physically!

You don't have to spend hours at the gym during cardio. I'm hoping this is right. I keep thinking back to when I lost 20 lbs all I felt like I did was run. Well, that wasn't really working this time around. 

I feel like this image conveys the truth in a path towards success. There is not only ONE type or kind of success. There are many times we may fail, but in the end, we will always win at something.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Wednesday Workout

Impressive stats for the morning so far: My breakfast had 42 grams of protein in it and I think I squatted my ass off during my work out.

For some reason the dog woke us up around 3 am this morning and I could not for the life of me get back to sleep. I keep reading memories and clips and social media messages of Robin Williams to pass the time. I laid awake dreading the morning sun and the soon to be slog of getting my ass to the gym.

I only had about 40 minutes to work with, and even with my pre-workout, I just could not manage cardio. I walked by the cardio machines and gave them the death stare. I thought to myself "It's time to work the legs. It's going to be leg day." I started with the leg extension machine and got 3 sets of 10 in but really had no desire to be on a machine. Ever since they reorganized the gym it's become a misguided, misdirected array of fitness machines and the set up irks me. I'd rather just be in the weights section, small as it is.

I pulled up a bench and did the following with a 35# barbell:

  • Skull crushers 10 reps
  • Barbell bench press, 15 reps
  • Shoulder pulls, 10 reps
  • Overhead press, 10 reps
  • Good Mornings, 10 reps
  • Lunges, 10 on each leg, 10 reps
  • Front squats, 10 reps
  • Squat to bench, 15 reps

I repeated that circuit 3 times. I pretty much could barely stand up after the last bench squat. Afterwards,  I grabbed a set of 5lb dumb bells and did some rotator cuff and shoulder work. I'm trying to prep for my bench presses this weekend or possibly tomorrow. During my insomnia I read about some stabilizer exercises to do that help with the rotator cuff strength. I just did high reps with a low weight:

To end, I did 3 sets of 12 push ups and two 45 sec planks. It was all I had time for. This week is a bit off since I have errands to run after work and I can't do a second workout due to doggie duty.  My friend's wedding is Saturday morning and I'm hoping the BF and I can squeeze in a good workout before. A vegetarian buffet will be served and I'm not worried about eating an unhealthy amount of food.

Even though I did not get my heart rate up consistently, I can definitely feel it already in my arms and it's only been a few hours. Here's hoping to some strength and flexibility and the loss of some girth! I keep reading how it's important to build a muscle foundation first before losing fat, so I hope I'm doing it right.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Stop the Ride, I Wanna Get Off

I have to stray away from my normal posting today. The world lost a very important, loving being yesterday. The death of Robin Williams seems to have struck a chord with many individuals. Chances are, someone you know, at some point in their lives was influenced by him, was made to laugh by him, or can remember being captivated by a performance of his. He fought demons that ran deep, a true Pagliacci. A comedian to the rest of us, but somewhere, deep inside this sad clown was always harboring an intensity, hiding an insecurity or an overwhelming feeling that he could not manage.

Depression is never easy. Suicide is never the answer. A permanent solution to a seemingly temporary problem that just so happens to swallow you whole is not the solution. I don't agree with the assumption that suicide is selfish. Far from it. Someone in that state never thinks very highly of themselves. Someone in that state thinks the world is a better place without them, a burden of their being is lifted from those around them and a pressure to perform is gone. That's not selfish. That's desperation.

This past year I lost a friend to suicide. I found out from his ex-husband (also my mutual friend) that this person had attempted to take his own life before last year, but managed to accomplish the task this year. Recently, I also fell down the rabbit hole of Googling people from previous lives I used to live and realized that my first lover, actually killed himself last summer. I had not spoken to him in over 14 years, but that memory remains of someone being your "first", and the feeling that life must have been so terrible for this person as we got older, he had to take his own life saddens me greatly.

Everything is not always as it appears. On social media, on TV, even in real life. People put up facades. They put on faces. They go through the motions and they pick up the pieces. I include myself in this generalization. This month I came to the harsh reality that I truly had not been feeling myself. I have not felt like myself for a very long time. My journey has been going on a few years now and while I still believe I was at my physical peak in 2012, I truly hope I have another one coming my way, possibly in 2015? A girl can hope.

I sat and reflected on the things I've gone through, mentally and physically. It all came to me like a lightning bolt one morning from a simple post on social media from another blogger, Go Kaleo. In it, she listed a myriad of symptoms and asked us what we thought it could be. They varied from weight loss/gain, fatigue, hormonal imbalance etc, and seeing them all listed like that, as well as mentally checking off each saying "Yes, that's me," in my mind, it all started to make sense.

Depression comes in many forms. The fix is not as simple as "bucking up" or "going out for a run" to help cheer you up. I have gone on many runs and I have lifted many weights, but nothing has helped lift this fog. I had noticed myself withdrawing more and more from friends. Recent trips where my reticence to go out was obvious and obviously not me made some friends wonder. My constant struggle with weight, my fatigue--no matter how early I go to bed--exhausts me. My anxiety? I blamed on the car accident. The thing is, that was over a year ago. The nights I lay awake for no reason or feel my heart pounding for nothing...these things happen. They happen to me, they happen to others. I just decided to talk to my doctor again and get put back on a prescription I used to be on years ago. A friend also suggested I seek out a third party or therapist to talk to, which I may do.

The thing with antidepressants is, you start to feel better and think you don't need to take them anymore. "Oh! They must be working and I must be fixed!" In some situations that's true. I think I was truly OK for years. And then I was not. I learned to just push things to the side and not really process them. A strained family relationship. The loss of two close friendships. A major surgery. A job loss. A car accident. More surgeries. Things take tolls on people and we all need a little help sometimes. I'm not ashamed to admit it, and I'm not ashamed to ask for it.

All I ask for now, is that people pay attention. Pay attention to yourself and those around you who may never feel good enough to ask.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Back to Reality

I had the pleasure of attending a girls getaway weekend this past week for a dear friend before her wedding. It was great to get out of the city and head to Napa, CA. Car rides full of 90s music, tasteless jokes and grocery store field trips make me happy.

Even though I ended up drinking a little too much vino the first night, I managed to pull off a great dinner for the seven of us. I seem to always overdo the first night with booze.  It's almost like I wake up that morning and act like prohibition has just ended and goddammit I'm going to make up for lost time! I'm too old for that crap.

While sitting in traffic I pulled off a menu in my mind of an Italian rice salad with roasted vegetables and mozzarella balls, grilled portabello caps, artichokes and red onions with a garden salad and some roasted chicken added to the mix. Needless to say, dinner was a success and healthy.

The Spread
It was a weekend of girl time, a massage for my weary body since I had pretty much worked out for 10 days in a row. I somehow managed to tweak my shoulder on Thursday while waiting for the bus and then got a terrible charlie horse Friday night, so I took the whole weekend off to recuperate. That being said, I pretty much spent all of Saturday floating on a pool noodle doing some version of  geriatric aerobics. My friend and I did do some drunken push ups before dinner on Saturday night, so it's safe to say we sweat for our supper.

Sweet fruit of the Gods.
Back to the gym this morning for some long overdue weights and a quick run on the treadmill. I was not feeling it when I woke up. My dog has not been feeling well these past few days and on medication, so I wanted to cuddle with my fur baby a little longer. I also didn't sleep very this weekend and have already started the week off with no meal prep and limited gym time due to the BF's work schedule.

I was lucky enough to have already chosen my gym outfit but was struggling for my work attire. You'd think that as a middle aged woman (gag), I'd have a grasp of the closet situation. Instead, I have the fashion sense of an unemployed teenager...or so normcore that anything outside the realm of yoga pants, workout clothes or pajamas scares the hell out of me. Look at my workout gear though and you can't hear yourself above the loudness of my compression pants. Le Sigh.

I have yet to succomb to the need of a blazer, but with my arms and She-Hulk like strength, I need stretchy, forgiving material still. I am at a loss for nude colored undergarments, so every top I have is a Russian roulette of 50 shades of tittay. I also lost a shoe this weekend, so that's one less pair of acceptable flats for office attire. My goal this month is to buy some key wardrobe pieces so I'm not running around in cardigans with holes made by my pup, tops I've had since I was temping 10 years ago and shoes that don't require me to place them in the freezer because they smell.

Today's workout:

Lat Pull Downs/Closed Narrow Grip Pull Downs: 2x10 @75 (I was killing time to get a bench)
Skull crushers 3x10 @35lb barbell
Shoulder pulls 3x10 @35lb barbell
Good Mornings: 3x10 @35lb barbell
Squats to bench 1x10 @ 35lb barbell, 2x10 @45lb barbell
Lunges with 45lb barbell, 2x12 on each leg
Tricep dips, 2x5 (Trying to get lower on the captains chair)
Leg raises on the captains chair (2x10)
15 min run/walk on the treadmill, 1.25 mi

I'm going to aim for my daily routine of 36-50 pushups when I get home and get some hang time in the garage for my pull up/chin up training.

*update, I did not make the home workout, but I think doing 4 loads of laundry got my heart rate up!

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Tired of Eating Chicken

I really didn't want to get up today. I think I've worked out about 10 days in a row and may not have a rest day until Friday! I may not be able to work out all weekend due to a girl's getaway planned for my friend who is getting married in two weeks. It'll be over 90 degrees in Napa, so I don't foresee a run in my future. I know I AM getting a massage though, which I so desperately need.

I attacked shoulders today along with  some fasted cardio. I aim to do some cardio every day, some more than others. I'm going to see if that helps revs up my weight loss. So far, nothing. I'm going to give my triceps a rest day since I've been doing my dips and push ups for a week straight as well.

Today's workout: Shoulders

  • Lat pull down 2x10# @ 75, 1x10 @90#
  • Narrow grip pull down 2x10# @ 75, 1x10 @90#
  • Front lateral raise on incline bench: 3x10 @10#
  • T-raise: 3x10 @ 10#
  • Side lateral raise: 3x10 @10#
  • Seated military shoulder press: 2x10 @22.5#
  • Standing military press: 2x8 @ 22.5#
  • Upright Dumbell row: 3x8@22.5#
Fast run/walk intervals on treadmill 25 minutes

I'm still pretty pooped out by the end of the day. Hoping this protein shake ritual at breakfast helps me out. I am trying to get my protein up, but haven't mastered my macros or grasped the fact that eating over 200g of carbs a day will help me lose weight. I'm prepping chicken a million different ways too. And speaking of chicken: I AM TIRED OF EATING CHICKEN.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Such Great Heights

This morning I successfully chugged down a scoop of protein powder with only water and ice. Not as gag worthy as I thought it would be. Baby steps. I've worked out for 8 days straight now. I need to take it easy. Granted, I'm only working out about 45-50 minutes each workout, so I should be ok. I've tried to keep some variety in there too.

Friday I had my work event and lo and behold, I attempted to rock wall climb. It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. I seem to have selective fear of heights. Sometimes I'm fine, other times I get all freaked out and think the end of the world is near if I go up one step further.  Here's proof of my attempt:
Check out that calf!
I don't know if I'll be rushing out to get a membership to any climbing gyms any time soon, but at least I can say I did it once. My anxiety set in after I got to where that wall slanted. It doesn't look that high from this pic, but it's already about 8 feet in the air. Sweaty palms do not make for good grips! I'm proud of myself for attempting, for getting my crotch harnessed in there like a vice and using my upper body strength to not fall off the wall onto the poor woman below me. If I saw my ass barreling down towards me, I'd drop me too.

I worked out that morning at the gym with a 3 mile run. Saturday was weights, leg day. I managed to do 95lb rack pulls since I'm not too sure of my dead lift form. I also bench pressed and was thrilled to see that after a brief hiatus, I managed to bench 85/95/105 lbs. New PR! She-Hulk status was achieved. Sunday, the Spartan and I hit the gym again, and I did a easy jog/3 mi run.

This morning I did NOT want to move. I've been so tired and I just keep pushing myself. Back at the gym by 7am before work. Today's work out:
25 intervals on the bike
lat pull downs and narrow grip pull downs 2x10 75#, 1x10 90#
tricep dips 3x8
leg raises 4x8
push ups 10, 12. 15, 10

All that equaled about a 300 cal burn.

Friday, August 1, 2014

A Week of the Gym

It's been a long week. I spent most of yesterday fixing everyone else's sloppy work or errors. I hate it when my job depends on the competency of others. Especially when it is non-existent. I slept in til 6:30 am (I know, the LUXURY!) and decided to hit the gym after work Thursday.

I really had to force myself to enjoy it last night, but getting my frustrations out at that bar is much better for me than hitting up A bar after work. I did some assisted pull ups and tricep push downs, cable pulls, bicep curls with the 35# bar and skull crushers. I also managed to do a few sets at the bench:
  1. 2x10 at 55lbs
  2. 2x8 at  75lbs
  3. 2x8 at  85lbs
  4. 2x5 at  95 lbs
I'm glad I haven't lost the ability to bench that weight with all the cardio I've been doing.  There were dudes all over though last night. I got to work out next to the mayor, that's always fun, but some of the other "dude bros" really piss me off. The slamming down of weights, the poor form, the nasty sweat on the bench no one picks up...I could go on. I hope my death stare does enough though. I will not be intimidated in the free weight section. I keep forgetting to bust out my She-Hulk status tank top. I don't feel worthy of it yet! After about 45 minutes of weights, I hit the treadmill for an easy 1.5 mi run.

I realized I only net about 700 calories yesterday, so I had some carbs in the form of kale/white bean ravioli with my rose for dinner. I didn't go over my calories, but I always feel bad about eating carbs at night. I gotta get over it. I'm also not giving up my 2 glasses of wine a night, but we'll see if that's really what is hindering me.

This morning I was back at it. 35 minutes on the treadmill at 7am. This time I'm noticing my jogging pace is going up. I used to run at a 5.0mph after the car accident last summer. Then I ran a 5.2-5.3 pace most of the time. Lately I've been hitting the 5.5-5.7mph range with the occasional bursts at 6.0mph. My goal is have my 5 minute running intervals be 6.0mph. I need to do more sprinting though. I've also been lacking on my leg days. I do a few lunges here and there with squats or good mornings, but I've been spending more time running than lifting these days.

Today we have a work event where we get out early and will be rock wall climbing. Dear lord I've never done this before...I hope I don't mess up my arms somehow. I'm one of the people actually attempting to climb. Who the hell have I become? I don't do team building crap! I got suckered in by the fitness.

I swear, I still have the upper body strength of a tyrannosaurus.